royal turtle
i opened my eyes
only because i had to.
they fought me,
swollen shut from a night
that wrung me out
in sobs and silence.
the birds were singing
how cruel of them,
to sounds so whole
when something inside me
was dying.
the sun slipped through the curtains,
but it didn’t reach me.
its light touched my skin,
just hovered,
like a ghost too kind to haunt me
i stared at the ceiling,
as if it might answer
the ache in my chest.
but the room said nothing.
the walls just watched,
and in their stillness,
i saw the shape of a loneliness
i hadn’t met before.
dragged myself to the kitchen
and made some coffee
i don't drink coffee,
don't particularly love the taste,
never choose it in the morning.
but he loved it,
so i made it.
just to feel something
that once felt like love.
just to pretend
his absence hadn’t hollowed me.
his name lingered
in the corners of this house,
like a coat
left hanging by the door,
still warm from yesterday,
but not mine anymore.
and every thought,
tripped over him.
every breath,
echoed his name.
there is death
and then,
there is the morning after
you choose to live
without the one you loved.
i knew i did the right thing.
but if regret had hands,
in that moment
they’d be tearing at my limbs
begging me to run back.
screaming in my face,
to undo the truth
i couldn’t unlive.
but i didn’t.
i sipped my coffee,
closed me eyes again,
and let the silence
break me,
and heal me,
gently.
feral kernel
void quarry
proper harness
dense canopy
