In the Depth of White Satin

[sleek stag]

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”-Dante

“Trapped within Gustav’s skin,
Shriveled like a wineskin—what’s left for me?
Silkworm; in the depths of white satin,
Not even a trace of a wrinkle appears.

I run after Tadzio
With great hope, Doomed to shatter
Like a fragile glass In Cerberus’s jaws. Lying
On the ice, thinking of the serpent—
Will the Second Coming be like this again?”

P.s-poem is originally written in Georgian🇬🇪 and this is the translation if it.
———————————————-

         სატინის ფსკერში  

“გამომწყვდეული გუსტავის კანში,

ტიკივით ჩაფსკვნილს რა დამრჩენია?

მუხლუხოს ვგავარ სატინის ფსკერში,

ნაოჭის კვალიც არ გამჩენია.

ტაძიოს დავსდევ დიდი იმედით,

ცერბერის ყბებში რომ გაცუდდება,

ყინულზე მგდომი, ასპიტზე ფიქრით,

მეორედ მოსვლაც ასე იქნება?”

please critique it and if there is any questions ,feel free to ask me<3

[sleek stag]

@errant coral

@median pike

[median pike]

You can also link your poem in #🖇・poetry-feedback-help if u would want help with it.

[errant coral]

this is a subtle expression

[sleek stag]

I don't know how to do that

[sleek stag]

yes it was intended that way

i hope i did good job there hehe

[median pike]

Copy and paste

Thats where u copy it, ping poetry helper and paste it in #🖇・poetry-feedback-help

[sleek stag]

oh okay thank you sm<3

[median pike]

No worries

[errant coral]

Is this questioning whether the second life of there would be the same? correct me, if i get wrong

[sleek stag]

yes

the serpent is the symbol of rebirth

[median pike]

Ooohhhh, im not super into that stuff. Im of another religion. So I will not give feedback on this poem because Idk what this all is about. So my feedback wouldnt be helpfull

[errant coral]

It is good. Since both the stanza are subtle. One showing death and non-existence and the another asking will the rebirth has the same circumstances.

[sleek stag]

yes exactly thank you!

[errant coral]

you are welcome

[sleek stag]

no problem<3 thanks for help

[errant coral]

I think you got it well. Since it is for subtle expression. It is very handsomely done. Imagery, symbols, philosophy, expression, refrences. well covered most of them

[sleek stag]

Thank you!

Really thank you

[sleek stag]

@valid pasture

@plain socket

[plain socket]

There is something so beautiful about the way you express emotions, I just can't stop reading 🥹🩷

[valid pasture]

This poem made me read the entire wikipedia article on "Death in Venice", my heart goes out to your oh so alluring allusions!

Also a reference to the self devouring serpent Ouroboros!? Awesome!

Subtle references interwoven into an intricate emotional carpet

You are very gifted with words