#Oh, Violence-iraptor! (Sonnet #61)

15 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

true kayak
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Oh, Violence-iraptor

Oh, Violence-iraptor, thy shiny sword
Thou state’st thou art nimble as a breeze
That thou fly’st over the battle with ease
Although thou art as nimble as a board

Thou snarl’st as thou holds thine blade in thy mouth
Thy toe-claw clicking against the ground
As the king of failures, thou wilt be crowned
As thy path to glory will go down south

Thou snarl’st and then jump’st up into the air
But telegraphed it, so why should I care?

Thou swing’st thy sword not once, not twice, but thrice!
Thou states thou art only missed by a bit
But missed by a yard, thou might as well quit
Oh, Violence-iraptor, take my advice!

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@cyan creek @mighty flame @blissful ivy @tardy onyx @vale gale @misty hound @south sentinel @wintry salmon

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@brisk sequoia @near tartan

cyan creek
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The archaic language seems to be used correctly if im not mistaken, although this isnt really my type of poem unfortunately...

Either way it seems well written!

true kayak
brisk sequoia
misty hound
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The imagery is so awesome man. and the use of archaic language adds that authenticity to it. great poem man

tardy onyx
# true kayak Oh, Violence-iraptor Oh, Violence-iraptor, thy shiny sword Thou state’st thou a...

O Violence-iraptor, thou tempest in gilded chainmail,
Thy verse doth pirouette ‘twixt mirth and mortal sigh
A sonnet spun of shadow’d silk, where triumph’s flame grows pale,
And folly’s crown, once gleaming, dims beneath time’s winking eye

Thy cadence, like a lark’s last hymn, ascends on wings half-torn,
Each line a fractured minuet, both tender and unkind
Thou paint’st thy sword with sunlit boast, yet ‘neath thy jest, a thorn
A dirge for dreams that stumble where the stars refuse to align

As nimble as a board” - O! Bitter, sweet antithesis!!
Thy claws, which click like metronomes, mock fate’s unyielding march
Thrice swings thy blade, yet twilight claims thy hollow victories,
As if the moon herself did weep to see thy glory parch

What celestial choreography guides thy fumbling dance?
Thy leaps, though grand, are hieroglyphs of hope’s frail arrogance

Lo, in thy “whispered sorrows”, echoes of Icarus resound
A parody of phoenix-fire, doused in irony’s cold rain
Thou striv’st to clasp the comet’s tail, but tread’st on mortal ground,
Thy anthem both a battle-cry and requiem for thy reign

Yet here lies thy strange beauty, Violence-iraptor enshrined
A jester-king, whose ballad blends the sacred and absurd,
Whose stumbles, etched in sonnet-ink, outshine the stars designed
For in thy flaws, the cosmos hums a hymn too long unheard

Let ages hence recall thy name, not for the blood once spilt,
But for the fragile waltz thou wove ‘twixt grandeur and thy guilt

O sing thy elegy anew, with clangs of rusted rhyme!!!
Thy path, though strewn with follies, gleams where mortal light survives
The heavens, vast and pitiless, shall claim thee given time
Yet in thy verse, thou soarest still, though earthbound are thy strives

south sentinel
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the grammar is surprisingly good (a lot of people mess up this Shakespearean style) there's a few words that don't make sense in that context and a few lines are a little more conversational than you'd necessarily see from the period you're emulating. Overall, very good and the right amount of goofy

true kayak
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But thank you 😊