#Blurry Moon

72 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rapid helm
#

In the middle of the night,
I mimic the sky's darkened hues,
Gloomy, yet filled with stars
of many colours;
Red, yellow, and concealed blue.

As the sun sunk into its slumber,
I await the moon's presence,
Only for it to be summoned
in a form so amorphous,
That I'm left to wonder-
"Who are you?".

Your spectral shine escapes the-
diaphanous shroud of clouds,
And it leaves me aghast,
As a grin paints my face,
Trying to fathom the new you;
A haunting radiance.

Till, memory struck:
Ancient and vivid-
Distant and blurry.
It grasps onto my mind,
like you do on my soul.

Forever frail- I will be,
Under your constant cycle:
Arise on the skies,
Capture my gaze,
Turn me nocturnal,
Suppress my death.

Enigmatic, isn't it?
How you would just-
ubiquitously exist
in my every moment;
A withering lament,
Aches nonetheless.

This awful melody,
Its transience,
And stillness:
Brawl in discordance.
Neither wins-
Nor loses,
It ends a stalemate.

Here, 'tis where we part,
You, with the azure heights,
Me, the firm lands below.
May I not brood of you
in the sun's awake,
Shall my gaze yearn you-
And your umbrage.

#

@brazen totem @feral moon @whole jolt @stuck lotus @brave blade

#

@foggy pecan @crystal stream

feral moon
#

Quite Interesting. The same moon shines every night, and yet, it's not the same.

cinder sableBOT
#

*Quite Interesting. The

same moon shines every night, and

yet, it's not the same.*

- .kiola
brave blade
#

WOOOOO FG POEEEEMMM

#

WOOOO FANCY WORDS

rapid helm
#

You've been anticipating it for a long time

#

@tired perch @fathom condor @magic nova @sudden falcon

brazen totem
#

This is giving Shmextape by Deftones

odd turretBOT
magic nova
#

I love your theme you have going here. I very much quite like the feel of longing, but hidden regret within it. I love how it is carefully thought out and gives the reader time to reflect on the reasoning. Good job FG

whole jolt
#

I like every aspect of this poem:D You express your admiration for the moon very well. I love the personifications too. The imagery speaks on a deep level, almost as if the reader is there sitting and watching the moon with you. I feel like there is a subtly longing that lingers between these lines, the way you yearn for the moon.
Although the rhyming scheme is not consistent, it adds to the phrases, making them more palpable. Overall 10/10! heartpotat

rapid helm
rapid helm
rapid helm
rapid helm
#

@drifting sedge @obtuse falcon @digital vector @slender rain @tawny palm

whole jolt
obtuse falcon
#

Aw I like the imagery- sounds like a person longing for their lover: the moon.

tired perch
#

This is very vivid, enjoyed reading it. Good one fg!

rapid helm
#

Super glad you're able to enjoy it Wack :>

rapid helm
#

@analog coral kripa wripa

#

Don't be mad-

analog coral
#

im not 😭

rapid helm
#

Hehe ik

drifting sedge
# rapid helm In the middle of the night, I mimic the sky's darkened hues, Gloomy, yet filled ...

I think this is my first time reading any of your poems and i absolutely loveeee this one. Vocabulary so fancy that had me open a dictionary. I love the metaphor Gloomy, yet filled with stars of many colours also your poem is vivid in imagery, and for me flows smoothly, from aww to oh- I loved it. I can't say which line is my favourite because I feel like the whole poem can be.
-# the poem is awesome and greatttt work rayyyy, I love ittt but with a fancy poem like this the title seems little, i think a bit more exquisite title would suit this enchanting poem more.

stuck lotus
#

no wooo

#

boooo

#

get better

#

-# im joking you slay bro but also what the hell whyd it take you so long

#

i see you flexing yo vocablary

#

you are allowed to flex

#

if you have a vocab to flex

#

i shall respect THAt

#

-# btw i was joking like writing poetry is hard it doenst matter if it takes you a long time and yah it takes people a long time like im sorry fpr the death threats bro

#

but it will happen again

drifting sedge
#

Re-reading coz why not ╮⁠(⁠╯⁠_⁠╰⁠)⁠╭

rapid helm
# drifting sedge I think this is my first time reading any of your poems and i absolutely loveeee...

Aww thank you for the heartwarming feedback! I'm glad you're able to enjoy this piece :>>
-# yeah, I figured. But tbh, I wrote the poem expanding from the title; and it's quite poetic that way, too, isn't it? How we would summarise a way more complex and deeper feelings with such a simple summary 💖 Either way, I appreciate your suggestion, I'll try to compliment the work with a fancier title next time! 💖💖

rapid helm
drifting sedge
rapid helm
rapid helm
rapid helm
drowsy oriole
#

I love it, very beautifully written

#

you do a good job combining complex and simple phrases to keep the poem balanced but still impactful

#

Enigmatic, indeed

tawny palm
# rapid helm In the middle of the night, I mimic the sky's darkened hues, Gloomy, yet filled ...

Absolutely love some of the words you use - amorphous, diaphanous, aghast, nocturnal, enigmatic, umbrage...
They help with the poetic mood A LOT, and its a really nicely made poem.

I also quite like the imagery you use - an amorphous form of the moon, the view of the sky, the cycle you mention...

I am unsure how I like the shift from the5th to the 6th stanza though - it's a sudden change from only narrating about something to directly speaking to the reader. While the poem stands well as is, I myself would not go for the change in perspective.

One thing I think you could benefit from is more enjambment. You end many lines with commas or periods, almost forcing the reader to think of verses more individually rather than as a part of something larger. enjambment would definitely help with more flow, fulness, connectedness.

Otherwise very nicely written poem! Enjoyed the read.
WW.

rapid helm
#

@sudden hinge

pallid apex
#

You with your azure heights me with, the firm land a below

#

That is what I call ying and yang It’s what I’m attracted to a lot

sudden hinge
#

OOO wow this was really good, I love the vocabulary, had to search up a few words and I love that a lot! Incredibly well-written and I love the way you ended it, the last stanza is definitely my favourite but I also really loved the second and the second to last stanza

#

Overall, lovely poem fg

#

I love it a lot!

rapid helm
#

@olive robin

olive robin
#

This is very good:D @rapid helm

silver cove
rapid helm
#

@stark edge

hardy raven
#

So melancholic and languid

hardy raven
#

I liked it,it’s really deep

crimson wedge
#

@sacred tartan

sacred tartan
crimson wedge
#

This is my last recorded piece

#

I haven't written for more than half a year now

sacred tartan
crimson wedge
sacred tartan
#

Ig the only critique is show don’t tell
Like don’t use ‘awful’
Show it