#The gift of the forest

39 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

fading bolt
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The wheels dawdle to the top of the hill,
Monkeys stare, for I have tarnished their view
With a strange contraption that gives them chills,
Don't soaring chills exist? They might turn blue.

We reach an abode, our magic portal,
To leave dread and conceit for something sweet.
It melts and charms me, and yet, it's mortal,
Made of bricks and leaves, makes me feel complete.

On tables, I see orbs glisten and clink,
They drift about, trying to find their homes.
Guided by our sticks, one by one they sink,
My heart falls and leaps as they still do roam.

My feet don’t just graze the skies, they tiptoe,
I still feel its warmth as cool breeze soothes me.
Grass caresses my hair, it won’t let go,
I visualise worlds lying beneath.

I see my reflection in the lake,
How graceful and elegant does she look?
Seems deviously blurred, it must be fake,
I destroy it, one touch is all it took.

I wonder, am I too warm for this place?
It vaporises at my mere presence,
How grand it must have been? It left a trace
Of a strange emerald luminescence.

As the wheels dawdle down the dwindling hills,
The monkeys mind their own little business,
With grief, I leave their land of soaring chills,
I stare for they enrich all I witness.

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It's about a place whose name translates to "the gift of the forest," hence the title.

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I tried my best to not make it cheesy cus that tends to happen when I get all nostalgic, especially about places and such but I've probably failed lol

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In any case, I would love feedback!

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@foggy hornet @violet loom @dry relic
@manic drift

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@foggy hornet

manic drift
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Which place? Loved it

fading bolt
fading bolt
manic drift
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I KNEW IT

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I KNEW IT

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i was thinking that lol

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But i didnt want to look it up

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Not much critically, i especially love the opening, lowkey the only thing id personally change

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Id drop the “as” in the final stanza

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Its a bit of a cliche

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But yeah i love the themes of the natural world and the own self questioning of belonging in said world

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You are very good as ive said lol

fading bolt
fading bolt
fading bolt
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I have an important question for you @manic drift
What do you think the third stanza is about? It’s oddly specific and I’m not sure it comes across

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Part of me doesn’t want people who haven’t done that particular thing with me to know, but I’d still love to know what comes to mind

manic drift
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The is still one syllable

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Ahh the age old question of does my more vague idea come through in a poem

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I have no idea

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Could be eating

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Could be like a game

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Could be decorative

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I’m gonna assume its a game

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but maybe not

fading bolt
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It is a game!

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||it’s billiards/pool whatever u wanna call it||

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It came thru a little atleast

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It’s quite specific but hopefully people can relate thru other games as well

manic drift
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yeah i thought that lol

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i think its clear enough

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Shouldn’t be too clear of course