A Plateless Feast

[brazen girder]

Nearby, inn-fire wails.
It's smoke swerving in sorrow, as
heat licks away the maiden’s cold, raw hands.

Above, a murder of crows dot the green-lit sky.
Sunset brewing at their backs, they soar past
daggered peaks and sweep down to the snow-sunken valley.
As they scour, peckish, for the spoilt scraps
of a hunt hungry for its own happenings.

We all remain waiting.
Scratching at our seats.
Tugging at our bibs,
ravenous for a bountyless feast

HEAVILY EDITED WITH THE HELP OF @ereiaa

Hii! I feel like the flow is just off and many others things but I can't pin point it.

@tawny compass

[strange star]

Tightening the focus and smoothing connections between scenes could sharpen the piece

[brazen girder]

I had feeling of that, especially with the introduction. Definitely will do!

[strange star]

"A murder of crows dots the green-lit sky, a storm brewing as they soar past daggered peaks and sweep down the snow-sunke valley to a still river. Nearby, an inn-fire wails, its smoke curling in sorrow over the hunt's failures, licking the handmaiden's raw hands as preperations falter for a feast doomed to fail"

[brazen girder]

That is actually objectively better😭

[strange star]

hsahaha I think this way, it keeps your evocative imagery, like the crows and the mourning fire, while linking the scenes more fluidly, so the valley flows naturally into the inn. It’s tighter, but I wonder if it still captures the chaotic, almost dreamlike vibe you were aiming for though :))

[brazen girder]

Thank you so much!!

[brazen girder]

A Plateless Feast