The brittle Brickhouse

[exotic nebula]

*I built a house with brittle bricks;
Its base can't be fixed, I'm sorry.

You'll risk your life if you come in,
So I suggest you find a new friend,-
One who doesn't risk your chagrin.

I haven't a clue on what to do,
To keep you here, to keep you near.
I ran out of stable materials last year.
I'm sorry, I wasted your time, your mind.

If I was better, I would've sent a letter
That held all my secrets in its paper.
You wouldn't be upset or beset, in fact,
You would just forget me, and my house.
I would be dust in the wind,
I would be a hidden sin.*

@radiant magnet @long bobcat
@split walrus

@snow path @slow night

[exotic nebula]

@graceful orbit @vital mirage

[exotic nebula]

The brittle Brickhouse

[graceful orbit]

omg this is a really beautiful and poignant piece of writing that captures the pain of losing someone you care abt deeply! i like the use of metaphor, such as ur house being built with "brittle bricks" and "its base can't be fixed", it really creates a powerful sense of fragility and vulnerability. ur sense of hopelessness and defeat is also palpable in the use of language like "I ran out of stable materials last year" and "I'm sorry I wasted ur time, ur mind". The use of the phrase "I would be dust in the wind" is so evocative and powerful tbh

[radiant magnet]

The emotive aspects of the poem are paired well with the euphonic elements. The subtle rhyming in the lines makes this piece eye-catching and its motif is such a hidden gem.

Every motif you use triggers the sense of whimsical poetic wonder in me! I would like to write a poem with this motif as well :>

[long bobcat]

Really nice poem about a broken past that "can't be fixed"
The speaker seems go be closed off as they've "build a house with brittle bricks" with an unstable "base" indicating a metaphorical danger if one tries to enter their inner world, "you'll risk your life if you come in".

It appears that this past is one of a broken "[friendhsip]" where the speaker informs us that their bond was not healthy or stable much like the house itself. In an unhealthy viewpoint, the speaker argues that "I ran out of stable materials", "to keep you here, to keep you near". Metaphorically speaking, we can understand how the speaker initially had an intention of creating a very strong relationship with their friend and one which will last for a long period of time, like a house, as seen also from the repetition. It shows persistence.

What we understand in the final stanza is how this "beset" was caused by "secrets". Since the speaker argues that "you wouldn't be upset", we can argue that they were really insecure in the past hiding away what troubles them and ensuring a closeness. With that said, in this case, I will say that the speaker might've become clingy to that person in the laster events of the last. Hence now for confessing their "sin" there is no more confusion and allows the friend to "forget" them since they'd be released to know the answer. This is my interpretation.

The structure of the poem is free verse as you do in modern poetry. Each stanza seems to enlarge which can connote a various amount of ideas. It could be the speaker's insecurity rising up to the surface from its hidden place or even the distance between the friend and the speaker becoming farther and farther.
There's no enjambment or caesura however many of the lines are complete meaning that the speaker wants to express their emotion and regret and clearly as possible. They also attempt to project the closeness they once felt woth their friend through the couplets used.

Overall, this is really nice

My apologies if my analysis was enormous 😅

[slow night]

Feels like the huff of a wolf is what will tear down the house hurting the guests within. Guess the 3rd pig isn’t escaping this time. His emotional state is far to fragile 😑.