#Two Little Brothers

20 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

crystal thicket
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Two little brothers born in a family of four,
Each and everyday was a bliss for them all.
The father taught the kids how to walk,
While the mother was too busy getting them to talk,
Yet their first word wasn't their parents,
It was actually "brother" to everyone's shock.

Days went by the trees grew old,
The little ones were actively getting bold
Sneaking glances on the ladies as they walked cross their home so old,
Oh how easily kids nowadays fold...
Climbing trees whose branches grew broad,
The two little brothers were definetly going down the wrong road.

Not just the life of their parents,
They were the delight of the whole town,
The two little brothers truly never let anyone down.
Some called them cute while the others could only speculate,
The two little brothers lived their life unbeknownst to what lied ahead in their fate.

A swarm of locusts left the town in a plague,
The father of the brothers couldn't escape his last date.

Two little brothers now In a family of three,
Didn't know what tragedy was left for them to foresee.

The mother of the brothers worked day and night,
Just so her little ones could have enough food to sleep tight.
One fateful day when her days were out of luck,
She fell down the river...oh how slowly she sunk...
There was no one near to hear her Scream,
Oh what lies ahead for the two little brothers...nobody could ever dream.

The brothers only left with themselves in a town full of death,
Didn't know how to survive so they resorted to theft.
In a word in which no one they loved was left,
The two little brothers cursed the gods on why they were bereft.

Days passed by the brothers grew cold,
How did these brothers even survive?
The story never told.
But one thing it did say was;
In their town there was no one left,
For each and everyone of them had succumbed to the black death.
Two little brothers lived alone in a place which soon was known as "The land of the dead".
for people who have read the story look down for an extra part

modest bone
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Are you aiming for prose or poetry

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Prose is more like actual formative writing than poetry usually is, so similar to this it has the wordier proper sentence structure but can also implement poetical devices like your rhymes

crystal thicket
modest bone
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So to make this more poetic, you'd remove a lot of the filler words

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Example;

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The mother of the brothers worked day and night, Just so her little ones could have enough food to sleep tight. One fateful day when her days were out of luck, She fell down the river...oh how slowly she sunk... There was no one near to hear her Scream, Oh what lies ahead for the two little brothers...nobody could ever dream.

Mother worked tirelessly, days into nights,
So her little ones eat enough to sleep tight.
One fateful day she was stricken by luck -
She fell down the river, how slowly she sunk.
No one heard her whimper or scream -
what comes next, I dare not to dream.

crystal thicket
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I'll try to implement them in the next ones I make that actually helped alot

modest bone
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I can make you an example adding in my imagery style too

crystal thicket
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Sure if you're free!

modest bone
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without filler words
Mother worked tirelessly, days into nights,
So her little ones eat enough to sleep tight.
One fateful day she was stricken by luck -
She fell down the river, how slowly she sunk.
No one heard her whimper or scream -
what comes next, I dare not to dream.

with imagery
Mother grew thinner, as dawn faded to night,
Filling empty bellies enough to sleep tight.
As rain pelted down, she was stricken by luck -
She stumbled down a riverbank, how slowly she sunk.
No one heard her water-muffled scream -
what comes next, is nightmare, not dream.

crystal thicket
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Damn... that's so much better

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That's amazing I'm not even kidding it's like you took mine and polished it too its extent

modest bone
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That's why I'm better at like, I can show you exactly what I'm thinking rather than trying to be like well you could add more descriptive words here and here or whatever

crystal thicket
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I see! That's actually much better!

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I also made another one but it's kinda like this one in a way? It does have a lot of filler words now that you have pointed it out to me

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I tried to make it make sense but I think it also quite lost sense as it went on

modest bone
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I can give it a shot too if you want

crystal thicket