#Moonlit Waltz

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

shrewd cosmos
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Beneath the moon’s enchanting glow,
I take his hand, I move so slow.
He pulls me close, his breath so light,
a shadow draped in silver night.

His fingers trace along my spine,
a tender touch that once felt fine.
But now his nails, they scrape, they claw,
and blood drips down with every draw.

He whispers low, “You’ve missed me so,”
a lover’s voice, a grave below.
I try to step beyond his arms,
but fall into his lulling charms.

The stars dissolve in a pace with haste,
his laughter twirls, a cruel embrace.
He spins me fast, he holds me tight,
my fleeting cries are lost in night.

I beg release, my breath runs thin,
yet still I’m locked, I’ll always give in.
The waltz goes on, the night won’t break,
a love I fear, a mistake I make.

The moonlight shimmers, blurred with tears,
my love, my curse, through all these years.
For when he calls, I take his hand,
and let him lead—I don’t understand.

The dance is endless, night so deep,
I realize now, I’m his to keep.
For all this time, so full of grace,
I’ve been dancing with him—depression’s face.

flint cliff
shrewd cosmos
flint cliff
#

hmm for me, I think you've balanced it perfectly! I was def drawn in by the soothing descriptions of the guys touch, and I only realised that he's actually a part of ur own thoughts ltr bc of the blood and the "for all this time, so full of grace, I’ve been dancing with him depression’s face." lines.

spring nymph
# shrewd cosmos Thank you! i tried to balance both the 'scary' side and the peaceful side of it,...

If you want to clarify that the person they are dancing with is their inner thoughts, you could show how this person, in some way, knows what the speaker is thinking of, as if they know the speaker too well. Ex. handing the speaker their favorite kind of flower.

Another thing you could do would be to suggest that he has known the speaker for either their whole life or since a tragic event (which caused the depression). If you want to add some insight into why the inner thoughts are portrayed romantically, you could have this "tragic event" be a breakup.

With that said, you wrote a beautiful poem. 10/10