#Iktizarizka: Universal Collapse

56 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

lapis apex
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Iktizarizka: Universal Collapse

You bark from the sidelines, a voice with no weight,
A leech on a battle you’ll never create.
Your words are just echoes, they shatter, they break,
A puppet, a pawn, a professional fake.

You sit with the critics, but who even asked?
A nobody speaking like they wear a mask.
Your flow is non-existent, your name is a blur,
A shadow, a whisper—forgotten for sure.

Iktizarizka, the name of a fraud.
The type to critique but never applaud.
The type to observe, but never take part.
The type to collapse when things get too hard.

No venom, no fire, just empty remarks.
No talent, no skill, just throwing out darts.
You sit in the back like a student ashamed,
Too scared to step up, too weak for the game.

You said I need jokes? Alright, bet.
Your presence is less than your internet debt.
Your flow is as stiff as your parents’ regret,
Your best work was silence—your peak’s never met.

Your words are a virus, they barely connect,
Like dial-up speeds when the signal is wrecked.
You try to be witty, you try to sound smart,
But I’ve seen better bars from AI in parts.

I switch up, I break it, I rewrite the game.
I toy with the patterns, still bring you to shame.
I alter the cadence, distort every frame,
And still, when it’s done, you dissolve just the same.

No legacy. No imprint. No mark on the page.
Just whispers in winds that will vanish with age.
You called for a war, but this isn’t a fight.
This is erasure. Now step out the light.

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@gray hare

gray hare
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?

lapis apex
gray hare
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It's literally quite meh

lapis apex
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Same with yours tbh

gray hare
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So what? You're the one spending too much time with a complex.

lapis apex
gray hare
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but just swap positions

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Maybe?

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Because I fear, right?

lapis apex
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🗿

gray hare
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You might get misinterpreted for AI again.

lapis apex
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Bruh

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It's fine I take it as a insult, compliment

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Idk if its a good or bad thing

gray hare
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An insulpliment?

lapis apex
gray hare
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Because here? AI = Plagiarism

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So yeah, just wanna keep you on the heads up.

lapis apex
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Ik I've had 2 conversations about that this morning. Western is convinced I use ai and Alvy ain't sure. So I really need to learn ABAB

gray hare
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Mhm mhm

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Also try to lean away from quatrains.

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They're primed for AI detection.

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Use them sparingly, try with like a quintet or a six-line stanza, then go back to quatrains.

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So it won't be AI by then.

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Like for example :

3
6
3
4
5

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or something like that

lapis apex
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Alright bet. I will. (On a side note I hope you know I don't mean any of what I said in the poems)

gray hare
lapis apex
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LOLLL

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Mb 😭

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I guess I do gotta change all my writing. I near enough only write Quatrain 😭

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It's the basic of the basic. I guess I liked it too much I stuck with it 🗿

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What is the way of writing Dragon uses

gray hare
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Like this :

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**You bark from the sidelines, a voice with no weight,
A leech on a battle you’ll never create.
Your words are just echoes, they shatter, they break,
A puppet, a pawn, a professional fake.
You sit with the critics, but who even asked?

A nobody speaking like they wear a mask.
Your flow is non-existent, your name is a blur,

A shadow, a whisper—forgotten for sure.**

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So that way?

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It won't look too restricted.

lapis apex
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So the writing is meh, just change the way of rhyming around, and change the structure

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Are the words and grammar I use right?

gray hare
# lapis apex Are the words and grammar I use right?

Wording-wise, it's fine.
Grammatically? There's no hard set for that in poetry actually.
You can use one line as long as you need - even one sentence can be 4 lines.
Just experiment, and I promise you'll get better.

lapis apex
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Alright thank you man. I heavily respect you for this help.

gray hare
lapis apex
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Hmm.

gray hare
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Hmm

lapis apex
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What jar is it

gray hare
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Yeah - that jar.