EXCELLENT IMAGERY!!!
theme
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love love the allegory of the person being a camera and for it all to come back to the same 'lenses' in the eyes. For me, the way i interpreted this is the eyes featuring as a window to all the horrors the speaker experiences is tormenting them which is why they want to rid of it. Definently think that the mention of 'an year' here is interesting, and I'm presuming that it is the start of when the 'camera' began to witness and capture bleakness.
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Technical skills
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▪︎Internal rhymes and anti metaphors
I absolutely love the usage of anti metaphors like 'shallow blackholes' and use of rhyming sounds in lines like 'illusions...../...../tornados.....', 'supplicating..../...../flying......' and of course, obvious ones like restless and reckless. Would love to see more of where this came from!!
▪︎Interesting lineation with enjambment
the immediate thing I noticed while reading through this was the use of enjambment and the way in which you have played out the poem. It is very interesting where you chose to give spaces with the enter keys! I would love to hear a recitation of this one to know the full effect of it being read this way!
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My notes
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LOVED THIS ONE BRITNEY, very very much the style I try to write and you have done a FANTASTIC JOB at it!!
The language fits so well with the almost gothic atmosphere you set? With the bats, the hollows, the shadows, etc. Its perfect!
Also love the image background you chose for this poem
-# AND WJKSSJ THE USERNAME RN IS ICONIC LOL
jolly aurora
lean wind
pale verge
cold patio
void ether
jagged dagger