#Black Coffee Grows Cold.

47 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

junior stag
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@elfin sigil @spare zealot @atomic viper @shrewd oxide

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@silk flare @topaz field @void niche

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@errant fog @plucky abyss @outer sphinx

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@halcyon pond @dawn star

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@bronze valley

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@somber sluice @pearl zealot

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@quartz pivot @potent glen @winter vault @timid blaze

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@rustic tangle

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I got out of my comfort zone/ normal style of writing for this one

topaz field
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This is short but sweet. I love this poem. Its so beautiful!

potent glen
rustic portal
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This kind of feels like a Jack Stauber song

somber sluice
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Idk what to say it's just perfect

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And it speaks to me 😭

junior stag
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Btw that’s a big compliment.. I love his work

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Thank you guys

junior stag
void niche
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omg omg love the aliteration and the comparison and the metaphor all together it's all binding so well

junior stag
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Thanks for reading ✨

halcyon pond
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that was cute lol you must love your BEES

outer sphinx
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the alitteration and word choice here is quite nice

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well penned

junior stag
shrewd oxide
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Lovely use of alliterations, which resound effectively!

junior stag
silk flare
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Short but amazingly good! I really loved it and enjoyed reading it, great job mysteec!

junior stag
pearl zealot
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the resilience is clear in the last lines. even though repeated misery but the narrator still is to some, extent hopeful

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please keep writing tiktok_smirk looking forward to possibly longer pieces <3

junior stag
junior stag
junior stag
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@midnight grove

midnight grove
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yknow it’s crazy i’ve never drank coffee yet this still hits hard asfCharpaGlitching very nice poem ^^

cedar rivet
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It certainly has a feeling to it, a taste even. And I admire the brevity of the chosen form (especially since this makes it much more digestible in a pinch)
But saying that, there are a few footnotes. The 'B' thing did betray your vision a few times, such as when Betrayal for some reason just begins to taste like coffee, adding the unnecessary temporal constituent to the poem. Either that, or it should've had an aftertaste to match the theme.
Growing cold 'blindly' is also a passable, if suboptimal choice of an epithet; you can do a lot blindly when a friendship crumbles, yet it implies a certain affectation, contrary to a gradual loss of temperature. Perhaps separate them into two different statements.
Brutal is, once again, a fitting word for the overall narrative, but quite uncharacteristic of normal digestion; I see here a failure to make the two worlds — of literal and metaphorical — friends, unfortunately.

The ending is a high note though, ending with a strong statement like that makes previous hiccups much less noticeable. Overall, a good idea and strong piece in general, with some minor rough spots, as it appeared to me personally. Great work!

brittle crescent
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Interesting format, Mysteec!

junior stag
midnight grove
junior stag
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Thank you though!

junior stag
fair geyserBOT
junior stag
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@twin sleet
@flat violet @azure zenith

twin sleet
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Keep standing and keep your chin up mysteec!
I'm still standinnn, yeah yeah yeaaaahh

Black Coffee (as someone who adds milk) is horrible, and undrinkable when cold, but just like the coffee grows cold, so does the feeling of warmth, even with the pain of betrayal, as it becomes numb and you slowly drift away

I love the metaphors you use