#The withered winter

14 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

agile hatch
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hey

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"undefined" what does this mean

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is this a poetry error code

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it's vague

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give us a tactile image, are the pieces jagged? dust like?

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undefined feels like a lazy throwaway line, especially as an opener

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"crushed and shattered /, shards cut deep"

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see how that adds bite?

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over to the second line

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a sea of sorrow, block of ice, princess castle. these are tired, mate and i've seen them before

graceful pineBOT
agile hatch
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use your imagination

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over to the fourth line

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melting slowly, like tears that faded, are we melting and fading? its repetitive. pick one side and stick with it