House of Mirrors - I (1/2)

[viral briar]

In a house mirrors stand me and you,
Our reflections stare at each other
I know who is real, do you?

Your human touch tickles my reflection,
I am nowhere and everywhere you see.
How does the prey hunt if illusioned?
In the end, whoever draws first blood is free.

I look past the fakes, at the real you
As your eyes settle on images of mine
Those rib cages couldn't protect your heart
For my hands now beheld its shine.

Crushed now, the pieces scatter ‘round-
All mirrors crumbled as your heart broke
Love now forgotten, never to be found.

#1321082925403602976

@valid herald @last dagger @past remnant @pine veldt

@polar lion @pine steeple

@valid zealot

[past remnant]

Wuoaaaa so deep

Nice poeem

[valid herald]

The poem is great. In the 2nd para 3rd line I think it should be predators hunt but feel free to correct me. Other than that the whole metaphor of mirrors, reflection, flesh, turning it into a game its all perfect.

[viral briar]

Oh I meant for it to be a prey because in the end the other person got hunted down .

The speaker knew the other person was going to lose, so they called the other a prey

[viral briar]

Read the second poem too please! I'll mention u there

[viral briar]

Thank you!!

[viral briar]

Thankyou for the review

[viral briar]

@robust egret

[errant grove]

Wonderful first half, your imagery choice for exploring authenticity is excellent!

For the first line of the final stanza, I’d rewrite it as “Crushéd now, the pieces scatter ‘round” for an iambic rhythm that flows smoother. Maybe look at each line and see if that could help with rhythm for some lines.

Tag me in the second half!

[dense olive]

"I am nowhere and everywhere you see"

THESE ARE SOME QUOTABLES RIGHT THERE.
Seems interesting, hooked for the next part

[robust egret]

hi hi do you also want me to read the second part?

also can you rq tell me what this poem's abt just in case im interpreteing it wrong?

[viral briar]

You could, it's up to you!!

[viral briar]

Thank you! Yes I'll do that, it improves the rhythm!

[viral briar]

It's about two lovers, one who gives up and one who still holds on to the remains. It's about trust and betrayal, how one trusted and how one betrayed that trust. The second poem has the pov of the one who trusted. In short, this shows the demise of an relationship. What's your interpretation? I always like to hear what other people imagine

[misty iris]

noiceee

[viral briar]

@rustic yarrow

[rustic yarrow]

the use of mirrors as a metaphor for illusion, self-perception, and love's fragility is truly powerful and evocative. lines like "those rib cages couldn't protect your heart" and "in the end, whoever draws first blood is free" carry such weight and intensity, which adds to the poem's already raw, emotional depth. it ends tragically, leaving that bittersweet ache. great work honestly

[viral briar]

Thankyou !! 😭

[dense olive]

"tickles" undermines the tone

this seems like dark poetry so it needs words that evoke tension, not playfulness

the first stanza could also set the scene better

"in a house of mirrors, you and i stand"

[viral briar]

Thankyou, I'll keep that in mind.

[viral briar]

@radiant scarab

[radiant scarab]

Wow this is deep

I love the use of tickle
There is clearly a dark tension there, but the word tickle somehow enhances the imagery
Like it's a game, but it might suggest playfulness, it is all but that

All mirrors crumbled — the illusion isn't there anymore

So the love is forgotten and the game is on

Ooh, so it was an illusion all along, okay now I'm starting to understand it a little

[radiant scarab]

Okay it makes sense now

I enjoyed it :3

[viral briar]

Thankyou!

[viral briar]

@fiery dagger