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#[deleted]
tranquil boughBOT
sweet slate
mmm, thinking about messing with the I / you / pronouns
Alt Version:
Compliments to The Chef
You told me subtle ways,
I could have ruined it,
and they delighted me.
knotty jacinth
My opinion is to remove have either way but just my opinion
I like the first better
sweet slate
My opinion is to remove have either way but just my opinion
Ah, you mean like "you could have ruined it" is ambiguous bc of "you might have ruined it'
I could do something like
"I told you subtle ways,
you didn't ruin it,
and they delighted us."
knotty jacinth
That one's optimistic so it's less fun
sweet slate
hmm, ok, well, I don't have a lot of time to try to rework this. Gotta get this all printed and bound by tonight
I think I'll just go with the original, maybe change the last you to us
knotty jacinth
Printed and bound to send to..a publisher?
sweet slate
Printed and bound to send to..a publisher?
No, lol, just for christmas gift for my mom, sister, etc
knotty jacinth
Ah supportive family got it got it
sweet slate
lolol
The hardest part about editing is taking a piece you like, then seeing what it would take to not like it.
This poem is actually a rewrite of this piece of garbage
Feedback
You told me it could be better,
but said nothing about
how much worse it could be.
knotty jacinth
How much worse it would become
You're not actually doing haiku constrictions and that sounds better
elder moonBOT
knotty jacinth
Wow