#Feedback on my words

9 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

finite gate
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Hi all, today I wrote my first poem, if that's what I can call it. I am not sure what to call it. And I would like to share it and get feedback on it. Thank you all in advance.

Today marks the 19th of December. The day I will be vulnerable and admit my desires. For the worst or for the better. I feel stuck, compressed within my own body. Like being crushed by 2 cars that use all of their power to destroy my body. Lucky for me I have her, she won't know what she means to me. Scared? Absolutely. But how can one move forward when the gravity of my own thoughts immobilize me, rendering me unmovable. Its a weird feeling, opening up will open doors that never existed. I am terified of "new" and what comes with it. But how do I make change to the very being I am, if I don't change it myself

ripe leaf
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I love this first of all, you did great, the emotions and struggle reach very clearly

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I'd suggest incorporating more stanzas, motion, and imagery in your stuff

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But you've got the soul of it down

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The comparisons to two cars was especially powerful here

finite gate
finite gate
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it was just to try it out, and it feels great getting it out like this

ripe leaf