#Leaves (this is my first poem like ever so idk what to title it 😭)

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

mellow tide
#

Leaves are vestiges of life
They are the breath that is exhaled from the tree
The sounds of weeping
And the rustling of movement
As leaves fall—
Fall
A season of wonder and cinnamon
Crushing the life beneath their boots
For when everyone leaves
The leaves leave with them

tepid nova
#

this is pretty !! i love the segue with “fall” into a new thought

#

i also think your second line could be condensed a bit, perhaps smth like “they are the breath exhaled from the tree”

#

also the line “crushing the life beneath their boots” might work better under “for when everyone leaves” bc it contextualizes who the “they” is supposed to be

burnt brook
# mellow tide Leaves are vestiges of life They are the breath that is exhaled from the tree T...

as a first poem this is really great i loved it:

and you'll soon be a very good poet after few months if you stay in this server,
because i did stay and i think im on my way of becoming one.

alright lets talk about your poem:

your poem theme revolves around impermanence, loss, and the cyclic nature of life and departure.

the theme is clear, but it requires a bit of reflection to fully grasp, especially the layered metaphor of "leaves." The poem conveys impermanence and loss effectively

While the imagery is evocative, some readers might find it abstract, especially in lines like "the sounds of weeping." Clarifying who or what is weeping

thank you, and in future i would love to read your poems ❤️ (to read your poems, tag me)

#

💚

mellow tide
#

Thank you both!!

tepid nova
#

ofc !!

#

feel free to tag me anytime you want feedback :)

fallen citrus
#

i love the idea! i think the conclusion lands really well and the imagery is strong. i agree with some of the other comments though as i had trouble understanding what the sounds of weeping had to do with leaves. if you wanted to say that the leaves falling sounded like weeping, maybe an evocative way of saying that is like "the leaves weep" or something like that. amazing job for your first poem!! heartpotat

burnt brook