#Percieve

23 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

robust surge
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Perceive
The sun is blushing
His face is flushing
We perceived each other’s yearning
It seems the tables are turning

Love achieves as we perceive
His heat radiated as we meet
Glistening on my gray cheeks
I, the moon, became weak

Sun and moon
Our love blooms
From one glance
We knew it was romance

robust surge
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@slim needle

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@slim needle

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@near narwhal

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@slim needle

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@arctic pewter

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@dark fossil

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@ancient valve

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@last marten

swift radish
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you tagged it as a free verse but there's a rhyming scheme in this piece . it feels like a lyrical piece with a smooth flow maybe i don't have that much knowledge about free verse. the shape is uneven so do the rhyming scheme like 1st and 3rd stanza rhyming so well with AABB scheme but 2nd stanza doesn't have that rhyming scheme
still it more feels like a lyrical poem than free verse.
in the end it's a amazing work. keep writing

robust surge
robust surge
slim needle
robust surge
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Oh my god

swift radish
slim needle
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TL;DR: freeverse can have structure: these forms are called 'nonces'

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I write exclusively in nonces - search 'valhalla' to see some

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(in post own or post sensitive)

robust surge
swift radish
lapis drum
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You have some nice verbs -- the sun blushing, the cheeks glistening. I'm just a little confused as to who is speaking. It switches from third person to first person and then back to third person again. It takes me out of the piece and it makes it hard to focus when you keep changing points of view. My advice would be to stick with just one person to tell the piece by, that would make the piece easer to read. But that's just me though.

robust surge