#Time and Time again...

54 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

halcyon pagoda
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Father time, could you bestow more time
To me, friends and family? You broke us
Down and built us up, time and time again,
So this can't be how this game ends, right?

Life's a revolving door of vices and virtues,
You'll pay the prices and refuse to choose
To sing the blues. No one wants to lose,
And that mindset will set you on a path
Of wrath and inner ruth, it's the truth.
Loanin’ time won't turn back time,
It's just abuse, an excuse to use.

We all enter and leave this world alone,
So please don't make your pain unshown.
We can't surrender to what cleaves us.
We must muster what relieves us,
And cherish it, all of it, and love it.
We must survive ourselves
To revive ourselves.

Time's slippery as an eel, it's an onerous Ordeal to deal with. We're so nervous
When faced with the visage of the beast,
But that doesn't dissolve our resolve.
To be better, fray your fetters to evolve.
We all have wings that twitch with fright
When we want to fly in the night.

A woe isn't a weakness. It's a hindrance
When we let the bleakness of sadness
Infect our interests, lest we let it.
We need to reap what we've sown to show
How we've grown, in the unknown.
Won't you feel guilt? Won't you choke?
Don't deny our fight, our avid blight!

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@lilac birch

cerulean lava
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@halcyon pagoda Hey, no more than 5 tags in one message! You'll be timed out automatically by automod if you do so. Plus we have @sinful crown now! ^^

halcyon pagoda
sinful crownBOT
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@halcyon pagoda has sent a notification! - @worldly steeple

cerulean lava
halcyon pagoda
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@narrow bane @subtle thistle @slender grail @mossy ivy

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@ember dune @narrow bane @quasi apex @final pecan @stuck ermine

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@cobalt horizon @storm sleet @lunar veldt @cinder glade
@glacial surge

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@fathom cloak @slender grail
@hybrid atlas @viscid prism @fathom cloak

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@low veldt @cosmic depot @versed sphinx @spiral jungle @steel rock

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@eternal siren @night dove @wind knoll @boreal nebula @fathom cloak

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@hybrid atlas @mossy orbit

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@weary canyon

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@distant escarp @cerulean lava

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Time and Time again...

halcyon pagoda
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@livid beacon

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@bold orbit

livid beacon
mossy orbit
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Wow what a medieval-like poem. Also included a lot of reverse psychology which is a nice and original touch.

An astonishing method of conviction through personal pronouns like "we" or "me" setting out the helping hand to deal with "life's revolving door of vices and virtues" or "fight" even at a "time" for "loanin' ".

I like the reassurance in "we all enter and leave this world alone". It's the beauty of some things that can't be "[resolved]" and so they just exist yet like "we all have wings that twitch" when "we want to fly", the metaphor connotes a persistent tone, one of which hints out the idea of carrying on despite feeling "nervous". "Time's slippery as an eel" anyway. What the speaker is trying to say here is that whatever has to be done, shall be done with passion and cooperation as "please don't make your pain unshown" dictates it.

And ofc, comes the majestic voice of reason. "Woe isn't a weakness" but more of a "hindrance" if the "bleakness if sadness [infects] our interests". It promotes stoicism which fits my viewpoint of the medieval ages aver so beautifully. More of this is also shown from "you'll pay the price and refuse to choose to sing the blues" where the amazing internal rhyme and assonance indirectly show that the process is an "abuse" yet the speaker here desires the "father" to have that "mindset" rather than make a dumb "exuse". Last thing I want to say for the language is the last 3 lines "won't you feel guilt?", "won't you choke?" and "don't deny pur flight; our avid blight!"

Wonderous ways to use interactive language and rhetorical questions as a final push to get the larger back on track. In a way, it gives me a vibe similar to "Do not got gentle into that good night" I'm sure you've heard of it.

As for the structure, it's really good. One can never go wrong with rhymes to make their poem seem eye catching and interesting. The fitted septets except for the first quatrain are a nice addition to convert constancy.

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Nothing but pure determination.
An amazing job well done!

halcyon pagoda
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@quasi apex

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@spiral jungle

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@storm sleet

storm sleet
quasi apex
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Such an heartfelt plea to a being with no sympathy. The repetition of "we" suggests and invokes the idea that you are not alone, yet, wishing to escape this. Nice imageries and figurative langauge used, nice! heartpotat heartpotat heartpotat

halcyon pagoda
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@eternal siren

halcyon pagoda
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@ember dune

fathom cloak
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So, I mean, it's almost like an embrace to understand life as it is: nothing with so many scruples, full of obstacles, which guide us to seek the message in our own motivations rather than in something distant.

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You've captured the interaction and alternation of the author's position in such a way that he becomes our unconscious in search of answers. As defined above, it's a truly incredible and well-done piece of work.

sinful crownBOT
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@halcyon pagoda has sent a notification! - @worldly steeple

worldly steeple
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Why are you notifying me twice?

slender grail
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Okay, this one hits so deep! It's like this mix of poetic wisdom and raw emotion, and I feel like anyone reading it would stop and really think about their relationship with time and life.

I love how you personified Father Time, like you're talking directly to him. That opening is super strong, and it sets the tone perfectly—it’s like pleading for more time but also reflecting on how time has shaped us. The whole "revolving door of vices and virtues" part? SO GOOD. It makes me think about how we’re all stuck in this cycle of trying, failing, and trying again, but it doesn’t feel hopeless—it’s more like, keep pushing because it’s worth it.

The "time is slippery as an eel" line is so vivid—I love how it paints a picture of time being this impossible thing to hold on to, but you still have to face it anyway. It’s so relatable, especially when you talk about fear and growth. The wings that "twitch with fright" before flying? Ugh, perfection. It’s like you’re saying we all have the potential to rise, even when we’re scared.

If I could tweak anything, maybe smooth out a couple of spots where it feels a little more wordy, like the "loanin’ time won’t turn back time" line. It’s a strong idea, but trimming it just a tiny bit might make it hit harder. But honestly? This is such a solid piece—raw, thoughtful, and inspiring. You nailed that balance of poetic flow and real talk. Amazing work!

cerulean lava
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Hey there @halcyon pagoda ! Its a lovely poem. Though please refrain from tagging or double-tagged several poets in one posts. This may cause unnecessary discontentment among the users and may even hinder your possibilities of getting more feedback. Encourage your friends to use our bot @sinful crown instead or promote it by being more active in the text channels and sharing with them when they are interested! Please know that we will all get to your poem when we get time. Thank you. I hope you understand ^^

fathom cloak
halcyon pagoda
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I understand, fully, i do

lilac birch
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The shift between tender pleas (“Father time, could you bestow more time…”) and defiant encouragement (“We must survive ourselves to revive ourselves”) creates an emotional rhythm that mirrors the ups and downs of life.

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The poem doesn't shy away from acknowledging pain but insists on finding ways to rise above it, inspiring strength in readers.

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This is a thoughtful, passionate piece with a strong philosophical core. Its raw, almost conversational tone makes the complex subject matter accessible. It captures the tension between the fleeting nature of time and the enduring human spirit beautifully.

halcyon pagoda
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@slender grail

halcyon pagoda
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@ember dune

halcyon pagoda
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@neon coral

neon coral
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"Loanin’ time won't turn back time"

like most of the times, it doesn't feel too good to use the same word twice in a sentence, like it doesn't here. it feels overused in this line.

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brilliant poem. brilliant

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👏 👏 👏

final pecan
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it's a long poem and describe the feelings perfectly!
i'm amazed by how you use the word so fluently, i'll rate a 95 out of 100

neon coral
final pecan
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i write poems as well
cuz we have poem writing class in college
so i just took part in it last year

neon coral