#Adam to your Eve -Rider

39 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

shut crag
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Autumn leaves and a warmth beside,
immortal years with two hearts tied.
Past the clouds and in your eyes,
that's where the real stars reside.

Hand me your lens and give me a peek
of what you could possibly see in me,
of something right to find in the breeze,
of anything alive to feed my dreams.

The sky shines brighter with you nearby,
a divine sign in this blissful bind.
The only constellation that lies in my mind
is the fine line between your life and mine.

Should I be looking up or am I doing it right?
Should I be looking at the stars that I'd like to rewrite?
Or does your sight on mine suffice tonight
as I recite these rites and watch you ignite?

Look past the stars and then you'll see
the dream I dream of you and me.
A dream where all I want to be
is the Adam to your Eve...

Oh, for the world to stop in this fateful eclipse
so we can cling to this rebellious script.
But the sun peeks out as the horizon dips.
For it too, craves a glimpse.

Autumn leaves and your hand in mine,
broaden your sight and you'll find me this time.
Stargazing right into your eyes,
we'll meet eachother again in the sky.

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@elfin abyss @viral ginkgo @eager bolt @woeful igloo @balmy fox

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@dire quiver @rapid igloo @hearty island @broken urchin

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feels lackluster to me but i need feedback

vague cedar
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I’m not sure what being the Adam to your Eve has to do with all the constellation imagery in your poem. Maybe use a pair of constellations instead? Just a thought. I liked the “to catch a glimpse” line though

viral ginkgo
# shut crag Autumn leaves and a warmth beside, immortal years with two hearts tied. Past the...

The structure starts off perfect and i love how towards the end, each sentence of each stanza gradually become smaller. I like how you started the poem with "autumn leaves.... " and ending it by starting the last stanza with the same. The AAAA rhyming scheme is something I'll never get used to so hats of to you for writing such a beautiful poem using the AAAA rhyming scheme. Imagery is vivid, metaphors are nice. I see your vision and your creativity is being portrayed quite nicely. The poem is good but not rider good iykwim. But I loved it! Good job.

undone idolBOT
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@viral ginkgo is now following @shut crag.

hearty island
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Where did you disappear to?????

shut crag
shut crag
lethal oxideBOT
shut crag
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shut up bot

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@quick sapphire @clever mortar @rigid quail @knotty meadow@stoic depot

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@mortal light@silent forum@molten fog

shut crag
rigid quail
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how does le title tie into le poem

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IT SLAYS

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STILL TRYNA FUGRE TAHTA OUYT

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ISLAYHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

hearty island
viral ginkgo
woeful igloo
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Look past the stars and then you'll see
the dream I dream of you and me.
A dream where all I want to be
is the Adam to your Eve... I like the allusion you use here too is nice and adds a brilliant spice to the poem and theme of love and affection

quick sapphire
quick sapphire
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So idk

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And I didn't get the ping eithe

clever mortar
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This poem is very yummyb

clever mortar
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Would you like to read my poem coz I'm aboutta quit thatsNARVirl @shut crag

clever mortar
viral ginkgo
clever mortar
elfin abyss
# shut crag Autumn leaves and a warmth beside, immortal years with two hearts tied. Past the...

(Uhm excuse my rusty ahh review) The poem seems to be in the format of a person talking to their partner(romantic). In a way it's about love and telling them how much you love them how deep it runs and the extent you would go for them. How they light up your world just by mere presence. The format and structure as always are important as they slowly change throughout the poem. With the first few paras being consistent with sentence length but slowly there are inconsistencies. This could be to show how slowly as they delve deeper into their emotions they slowly get free and are more authentic. The last para running parallels with the first could also be to show how this was just all in the head of the person and them reminiscing this relationship. The 3rd para is my fav, because well stars (ik the whole poem is littered with them but this para has the mist of it idk. I just like the way used it there ig)

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As usual great poem from u but as este said it's not your best work and u have written better