#16/Romanticize

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

coarse thistle
#

Today I turned 16,
I don't feel like a teenage dream
But I'm living through it nonetheless
I get lost, it's labyrinthine
I give them all my best wishes,
And leave empty-handed,
Empathetic and lonely as usual

Recently, these memories have been plaguing me
I blink and try to brush it off
But the tears are already streaming down my face
My past is painted in the murals of my mind,
In rose-gold lenses and layers of lies
But I can't grasp what has passed
And in hindsight, I hold onto it

Romanticize your life,
Nostalgia's a knife
I can still make new magic
I'd rather ruminate in my room
I memorialize my most miserable days
My eyes are unaligned, and I've lost track of time
I never got my teenage dream
I spent my summers writing poetry
As hard as I try, I can't manufacture a memory
I only have a few more years left here
To disassociate and disappear

3 weeks ago, I turned 16,
I don't feel like a teenage dream
But I'm living through it nonetheless
I'm not pretty, but I'm pretty good with the pen
In my thoughts, it's thoroughly thoughtful
I just need to be alone
but I dont wanna be alone

pine rampart
#

This is quite nice! I love the use of the rhyme scheme since the theme of the poem is all about romantacization

I feel like there are instances where there’s too much tell, when you could have shown

Like the last line in stanza one ‘Empathetic and lonely as usual’, perhaps you could use a metaphor or simile or an image to convey this?

Overall, the emotions feel raw and authentic, I can tell this is very personal, I think by rewriting some lines with metaphors instead though would greatly improve it!

The line ‘My past is painted in the murals of my mind/In rose-gold lenses and layers of lies’ is beautiful and a prime example of how you can show and not tell!

opal rivet
#

This is simple yet deep on so many levels. I see that you've not maintained a proper rhyme scheme, imo this adds further beauty to this poem. The lines are shattering. The unique structure adds depth. The poem started with "today I turned 16" Then ending stanza started with "3 weeks ago..... " The way you close the poem is amazing. Simple yet deep, good job.

coarse thistle
#

So usually my poems fall into two of those categories. This one is more focused on the raw emotion of it all. But I probably could add more imagery here and there

pine rampart
#

Slayyy!! It’s lovely regardless!

I hope your teenagehood gets better my friend. You deserve the very best

coarse thistle