#The Isle by Tree_Sap

78 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

edgy jasper
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The swirling fog of smoke
Clouds my eyes beyond recognition
Soon making me blind
From children’s fairytales

The smoke reveals
An isle of make believe
Where even the flowers
Dance until their petals fall

And when those petals fall
The isle turns into lies
Each more morbid than the last
And the smog from the isle
Wraps around my tongue
Poisoning from within

Soon returning to the water
The isle of dreams
Floats away from the horizon
Into the smoke
With all of its lies
Forever to be imagined
In sleep

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<@&1144090752457113794> <@&1145760802666717234>

woven fable
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Woah....
This poem is very pretty! :3
I like the kind of surreal aspect of it!

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And how it kind of turns nightmarish later on, as well.

edgy jasper
severe relic
edgy jasper
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"piled high more morbid as they leaf-like lie a growing mound of morbidity, mocking me"

severe relic
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coming off the line ending in "lies"

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I think each more morbid than the last is cliched charmingly so

edgy jasper
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Oh u want that line to sound differently

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Ok I get it

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Or am I wrong?

severe relic
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And when those petals fail
The isle turns them into lies
piled high more morbid as they leaf-like lie / a growing mound of morbidity, mocking me /
Until the smog from the isle
Wraps around my tongue
chokes me with poisons from within

edgy jasper
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Ohhhhh

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Morbid being used to much

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It sounds overused then

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But I like the line individually

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It sounds elegant and classic

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Like the narrators looking at it subjectively

severe relic
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Shakespeare used two forms of the same word root often

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I can't read without experiencing echoing

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I don't think it's better just less cliched

edgy jasper
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Or certain meanings and themes?

severe relic
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that's not how I mean it

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you shout words at a mountain face and it comes back but under distortion

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the mountain remakes it

edgy jasper
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Ohhhh

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Ok that makes more sense

severe relic
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it's a poetic form

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for this kind of trial space

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more like street art in a ghetto place

edgy jasper
severe relic
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I think your poem reaches for cool

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Centers on you on an Isle of Misfit Toys

edgy jasper
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Yes and dreams and nightmares

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It’s a make believe place for children

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But if u venture into the night

severe relic
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So you like Coraline

edgy jasper
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I always found coraline to be fascinating

severe relic
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this is like pinning butterflies

edgy jasper
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Yeah

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It is

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But when I was writing this poem I didn’t really think of coraline

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I thought of Peter Pan

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But with a twist I guess

severe relic
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Kubo and the Two Strings

edgy jasper
severe relic
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Has the smoke

edgy jasper
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Yup

severe relic
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a relentless sense of threat

edgy jasper
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It’s childhood fantasies

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This whole poem

severe relic
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pursuit

edgy jasper
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Have u watched Sweet Tooth?

severe relic
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Wendy led me / to an isle without Hook / no lost boy king / swashbuckling / just smoke and flower petals from Alice's book / and a sense that all children are lied to / so sad how the heroine succumbs / like Gretal without her brother / body hidden in the fog and smog / She led me, I said, as a ghost / to witness her death / I'm waiting for her to appear again / she may, one never knows //

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That's an echo poem

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no I don't know Sweet Tooth

edgy jasper
edgy jasper
severe relic
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thanks

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I wrote a little more

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a loose end

edgy jasper
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I made that up from the spot

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That is so immpressive

severe relic
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thank you

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when i'm supplied an idea

edgy jasper
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Ofc! Real talent has to be praised

severe relic
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I feel a kind of trance where words dance

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Did you like the new ending

edgy jasper
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Yes it’s good

severe relic
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The state of mind is a kind of pure pleasure

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Trauma swallowed hard / and the little girl's happiness was gone / the light that beamed from her eyes / the spark that flashed was enthusiasm / now there's a chasm of sad depression / transplanted with a violent van kidnapping / she rolled in the back of the van belly / curtailed away to another family / miles and miles away from happy //

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I'm the hero everyday / and even when I die / I'm back again / in my video games // Really, I'm locked in / fantasies of violence / usually with just enough story / to identify my motive // Are they a release / of natural proclivities / or do they train a savage / to be beyond salvation ///

sonic shoreBOT