#I am lost

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

bold pebble
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I am lost
here
full of darkness
looking for light

l lost all hope
wandering
in the darkness
for light

l am lost
in the darkness
that no one sees
that l see

there is no escape
no hope
but only darkness
Why am I here

I am going deeper
Into the hole of darkness
A hole that never ends
Full of only darkness

Slowly losing
My sanity
Becoming
Full of insanity

naive wyvern
#

im not a poet infact idk anything about poetry but why does this look forced

plain nebulaBOT
bold pebble
naive wyvern
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thats great

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i can think of nothing

old fjord
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i like the idea, i recommend not repeating darkness so much, i think its taking away from the poem rather than adding to it, try expand on darkness as a concept instead of just saying it, there are lots of ways to describe darkness and being lost so take advantage of it !! ^^

distant rampart
#

My honest opinion: There's a lot of space for improvement here. Most important one is the lack of punctuation.

The rest is below:

The first 3 stanzas are exactly the same, just phrased differently. I'm all for repetition but it should have a purpose, which I can't find here. Speaker is lost in the darkness, looking for light.

There's this saying in writing called "Show not tell". I think the poem needs more of that. How can you show that the speaker is lost in the darkness, wandering, looking for light? Why is the speaker lost? What does he feel? Remorse? loneliness? Will the speaker ever escape? If not, why? Does the speaker have a weakness or barrier that prevents him? Or perhaps the speaker doesn't want to escape? If yes, why?

Maybe write it in a way that answers some of these questions without actually saying it. Or else it will only be:

The speaker is stuck in the dark, wandering, losing his mind. But there's nothing else after that. This can make the poem hollow.

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Check out this poem by Edgar Allan Poe. Maybe it can help

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46477/alone-56d2265f2667d

The Poetry Foundation
“Alone”

From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were—I have not seen As others saw—I could not bring My passions from a common spring— From the same source I have not taken My sorrow—I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone— And all I lov’d— I lov’d alone— Then —in my childhood—in the…

bold pebble
distant rampart
# bold pebble thanks i am new to this field only 6 months and i very young poet

I hope it didn't discourage you. If it helps, I've written the worst poems when I was new. The 'roses are red violets are blue' type.

The more you read and write the more you'll improve.

I would suggest you on starting with small poems. Maybe start writing in quatrains (4 lines with a rhyme pattern).

If you think the poem is not complete, keep adding quatrains until you're happy.