@carmine yew The consistency with which the "sanguine" imagery is maintained through the poem is lovely ! I wonder if "began to seep" might make more sense than "began to creep" in the second stanza, considering that verb is closer to the action of a wound and would fit in nicely with your following simile "like blood that stains.."
#3: The Sanguine Betrayal
shy dragon
carmine yew
<@762540037463867392> The consistency with which the "sanguine" imagery is maint...
WOWWW THANKS A LOT! This is actually the first actual feedback I've gotten on any poem, you do have a wonderful point. Thanks for pointing it out💛💛
patent root
What a lovely poem! Your meter is very good, it’s very satisfying to read aloud. I’ll need to reread it again a couple times to fully appreciate it haha my only note is that I feel the poem doesn’t progress or evolve very much. It’s repeats ideas i.e. stanza 2 “a trust betrayed” stanza 3 “dagger veiled in velvet lies” stanza 6 “betrayal’s art” Now there is nothing wrong with repeating ideas with different wording! I guess my note would just be that I’d be really interested to see what you can say about betrayal beyond just it bringing pain. Betrayal happens and thus “___” but if that is not the goal totally understandable, and again I really loved the poem, especially your meter and rhythm. Please tag me in any other poems you write I’d love to read them!
carmine yew
What a lovely poem! Your meter is very good, it’s very satisfying to read aloud....
I see, a poem that evolves in idea does sound good as it entices the reader to guess what will happen, you do have a point with my repeating ideas. THANKS FOR THE INSIGHT and wonderful words, truly appreciated💛💛!
patent root
No problem, excited to read more 🙂
uneven silo
be honestm you used chatgpt
@carmine yew
btw it is good, i guess you used it to reframe it, which is justifiable as the language is yours
it is indeed good
carmine yew
be honestm you used chatgpt
Hm? No I really do have an AABB style, father taught me to write strictly in that manner to practice
The ending line itself took me days to figure out😭😭
uneven silo
no, the wording looks too familiar
i don't object it, i indeed myself use it as sometimes i can't wrote a 7 pages long poem by myself completely
carmine yew
no, the wording looks too familiar
In what way? Maybe I could write less robotic, more emotions you mean?
pliant jewelBOT
In what way? Maybe I could write less robotic, more emotions you mean?
Wonderful! @carmine yew has just pregressed to level 9!
carmine yew
I prefer to stay in beat and in a meter
uneven silo
In what way? Maybe I could write less robotic, more emotions you mean?
no, the exact words, the point where new emotions are shown, they look too familiar
uneven silo
I prefer to stay in beat and in a meter
ig that's why
carmine yew
no, the exact words, the point where new emotions are shown, they look too famil...
Ahhh I see, I’ll try to keep it varied then😭, it’s a compulsion of mine to keep it organized which makes me predictable huh. Appreciate to you pointing the similarities, thanks a lot homie.