#Natural Spring

36 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dusk vine
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*Soothing clouds melt like frosting
On a powdered donut by a cherry blaze sol—
The acacias smooch the squirrels in
Their ebony laps— enjoying the serene

Midday weather as it lulls the watercolor skies.
And starlings wing across like tarred pebbles,
Waving goodbye in circles.

Cottages billow out sweet aromas
Of baked apple pies that seep through
The villager’s nostrils,
Luring their bellies immensely.

A garden of lilies adorns a natural spring
With oily scents from
Their spiral white fingers—
As the villagers make dough
For their families to grow.*

natural_spring_.png
radiant inletBOT
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@dusk vine has sent a notification! - @noble fox @drifting rose @reef imp @trail ember @warm field @tough walrus @brittle jungle @vital coral @vivid basalt

dusk vine
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@dreamy niche

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@tacit flame

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@opaque dock

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@reef imp

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@coarse cradle

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@regal bronze

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@onyx schooner

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@tacit dew

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@tepid cape

regal bronze
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Nice piece. Be wary of "as it" because that can water down the effect of the poem. Try making the verb proceeding it into a gerund instead.

Midday weather as it lulls the watercolor skies.

Becomes...

Midday weather lulling the watercolor skies.

Same thing with the next two lines. Check this out.

And starlings wing across like tarred pebbles,
waving goodbye in circles

Becomes...

Starlings winging across, tarred pebbles
waving goodbye in circles

You're still comparing the starlings to tarred pebbles, but the effect is more "punchy" because now it's the tarred pebble metaphor waving goodbye. If that makes sense.

Really nice piece, though. The tone is light and airy, befitting the subject! Well done!

warm field
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this is a real gem of a village and imagery that you described

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Give the view of old European villages in flatlands which i prefer.
i really hate modern cities, full with concrete

dusk vine
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@agile ridge

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@boreal monolith

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@cursive minnow

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@fallen cedar

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@jolly imp

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@twilit glacier

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@zealous remnant

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@opaque dock

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@indigo fjord

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@low wedge

low wedge
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I love the transition of winter to spring! Its really very good use of imagery! Nice job Vindi! rain_is_INNOCENT hearthands

dusk vine
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ty as always

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@wicked pine

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@coarse cradle

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@undone rose

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@empty raptor

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@woeful hornet

zealous remnant
lone bladeBOT
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*Ooooooh, just another

amazing literally

perfect masterpiece! 🥺❤️*

- cryosparkle
undone rose
agile ridge
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Amazing imagery as always Vindi! I love this a lot, it feels sorta heartwarming in a way