#Music

53 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

native cairn
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Loneliness in the Heart
Speaking from too afar.
Casualty carved quite a large;
My stupidity was on par.
With willingness, I bought the car.
The rising gas is super dark,
So I kept it parked.
Now rust has its dear heart.
Both milked my wallet apart.
Don't you dare laugh!
Goddammit, you laughed.
Next time, I’ll add an electric car.
It starts like an excited lark.
Damn it, another shark!
My face, and this wallet, are both dark.
Now it’s two babies milking me apart.
You don’t have a heart,
But your maker has a dark part.
How thick, this shameless wicked—
To them, my request is just a bark.
As petty as I am, I’ve them marked;
They don’t care in the least part.
I’m one in a million, where queues start—
They were never worried from the start.
Loneliness in the Heart,
Stupidity on the par.
How I thought my stature was,
The contrast you offered was too afar.
So I sold those cars.
A certain sense of me was parked,
Yet I never knew it was inherently dark.
I want to cut it apart,
But it is too hard; maybe rust can eat it apart.
Now I laughed.
Lips wide, eyes stagnant, I laughed.
I am like an abandoned car,
Which moves like a lost lark.
Everything feels so sharp.
I am just with someone who wants to harp.
Sadly, the reality is too apart—
Nature has no moral heart.
No, it’s them, my darker apart.
They kick, these brutal pricks.
To me, their request rings like a harp.
As broken as I am, listening to them sharp.
Their enthusiasm, so daunting, has a part—
Spilled, scooped, spoked like a toy by a child.
For now, it’s happening too fast.
Everything is so dark.

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ebon creekBOT
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@native cairn has sent a notification! - @sick lintel

native cairn
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@unique folio

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don't follly work in reverse

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@lime spoke

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@neat edge

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@steel laurel

neat edge
native cairn
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@hot apex

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@flint sonnet

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@revenge

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@warped bronze

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@rare juniper

lime spoke
native cairn
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@obtuse drift

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@wide solstice

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@tawdry nymph

obtuse drift
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This poem is so raw and unique—it takes you on this rollercoaster of frustration, loneliness, and biting humor. The way you use the metaphor of cars to represent emotional and financial strain is so creative, especially the imagery of rust and dark gas prices. It perfectly captures that feeling of being stuck, of putting hope into something only to have it disappoint you. The conversational tone, with the “don’t you dare laugh!” moment, makes it feel so personal, like you’re venting straight from the heart.

As the poem progresses, it dives even deeper into the darkness of being let down—not just by objects, but by people and life itself. The repetition of “dark” builds such a heavy mood, and the lines about being an abandoned car and a lost lark really hit hard. It’s like you’re caught between laughing at the absurdity and crying over the harshness of it all. The mixture of humor and pain is so human, and that makes it incredibly relatable.

By the end, there’s this sense of resignation but also defiance, like you’re acknowledging the brokenness while still standing in it. The vivid imagery and raw honesty make this piece stand out—there’s nothing polished or pretentious here, just real emotion spilling out. It’s such a powerful expression of how complicated and relentless life can feel sometimes. I love itt!

native cairn
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@hasty quest

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@spice cargo

sick lintel
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instead of having everything end in almost the same assonance

spice cargo
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Damn

indigo irisBOT
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*instead of having

everything end in almost

the same assonance*

- vardomc.
spice cargo
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First of all, straight bars

native cairn
spice cargo
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Secondly, the rhyming scheme is wonderous

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I say this as someone who sucks ahh at rhyming scheme so

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Grain of salt

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Overall W poem fr 11/10

native cairn
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i just want to keep them fixed, ordered and repetitive like the first line. so the two parts forms a relatable contrast. @sick lintel @spice cargo

sick lintel
native cairn
spice cargo
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I literally do not touch rhyming schemes everything is always free verse

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It's ok we thug it out I got this

native cairn
warped bronze
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Interesting metric and rhyme scheme! Your imagery is interestingly chosen too! Its an interesting poem that makes me think alot about music ~ thank you for sharing!rain_is_INNOCENT

native cairn
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@sly hedge

sly hedge
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Wow it's been so long since I read any of your poem
(I'll read it soon, I've classes fn)

flint sonnet
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Santa approves of this poem!

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Congatulations

hasty quest
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FIRE

native cairn
unique folio
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Is it a poetic format of some kind?

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Like a structure.

unique folio
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liked it.

native cairn
hot apex
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Oooo this is really nice versus, I like this a lot!

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Great rhymes