like dang that's tough, rly deep about the toxic controlling father figure that is completely distant, it's like having a father but never a dad, an image that make me feel sad, what about the few moments they had, sure carried his baby all around, kept it in his arms safe and sound. drown in expectations, it's either you win or lose. i liked it
#Do you even know me
steep maple
feral willow
like dang that's tough, rly deep about the toxic controlling father figure that ...
Thank you!!
shadow lion
Theres alot going on in your poetry! Where you begin with a rhetorical question, and continue on with a statement, and description of how your pain. The metaphors and symbols you have chosen are interesting and strongly act as evidence for your pain!
But, always punctuate! Its the easiest way to direct the flow of your poem! Although you could say you wish for it to be a rant-esque poem, my suggestion would be for it to have punctuation and enjambments to create such a tense, cresendo of sound, that would be so pleasing for hear.
Lastly, I am pleasantly surprised by the flow of the poem, but to make it easier, not just beginner poets to read, but for critics to navigate the body of the poem - to add a main motif and have your elements flow around it!
-> Too many elements introduce too many ideas which may blur your intended meaning!
- Flickers and dots
- List containing faults
- Fake world of flowers
- Bird in a cage
- Stanza 2 is quite inpactful! But there alot of elements to process!
If you wanted to restructure and rephrase certain elements, this poem would be absolutely stunning!
feral willow
Theres alot going on in your poetry! Where you begin with a rhetorical question,...
i do write very much like a rant 😂😂 It just blurts all out really... And about the main motif i do have a hard time with that i think thats my biggest thing i need to work on tbh... Im very chaotic. Allot of poems are like 5 different ones all plastered on a page 😂
Thanks allot for the feedback!
shadow lion
i do write very much like a rant 😂😂 It just blurts all out really... And about...
I dont think thats any problem! It would be good to go back to a poem after you have ranted and piece pieces that come together~ So you get something that flows and is cohesive 
feral willow
I dont think thats any problem! It would be good to go back to a poem after you ...
i do have more worked out poems but this is like one of the least heavy ones i have so i wanted to start out on a not so triggering heavy subject 😅