#Last fall of snow

71 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

upper orchid
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Flames clashed white pieces of heaven.
Doubt conflicted trust and faith–
blowing breezes fancy playing with my hope,
all was lost, all to be never grasped.

Sparkling was love in my mind,
fading to be absent, to be never seen,
yet you blew in with wings like phoenix,
with wings of warmth, whilst I was frozen.

You forced fog above my eyes,
and haze above my mind, misbelief vanished
into thin air, only to come back more chaotic–
like a winter storm when it bursts in warm home.

Courage bleed in meadows, blood puddle
was as big as our lost love, lost pain.
Pain so cruel, reigned over my whole body,
my utter mind and pure heart.

So I will say last words, as so long, goodbye–
beneath them all hatred was gushing in
spirit of mine, I'd never guess that
I was better off alone, absent from your gaze.

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prequel

cobalt falcon
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Ill get back to you! My phone is on life support!

upper orchid
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lol thankss

lone ice
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fading to be absent, to be never seen,

may be more effective as "fading to absence, to never be seen"

upper orchid
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but it must be repetetive

lone ice
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like a winter storm when it bursts through warm homes.

upper orchid
lone ice
upper orchid
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i fixed it

lone ice
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either way its largely preferential

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your imagery and use of language is really impressive especially since this isnt your first

upper orchid
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thank you

lone ice
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you are clearly conveying your emotions

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I love this

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feel free to ping me whenever you post

cobalt falcon
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I love the imagery in this

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Its so vivid!

lone ice
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articles are super weird Im not sure there are many other languages that make use of them to the extent of english

upper orchid
upper orchid
lone ice
upper orchid
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lol

fierce shard
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4th verse, 1st stanza sounds a little weird but one can easily get the meaning of it. I get that its repeated on propose

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I like the way you play and put the words, the imagery in your poems is really good;) keep going

upper orchid
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thank youuu

upper orchid
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@snow breach

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there are prequels

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for everything to make sense you gotta read all in order🤭

snow breach
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I'm all here for a nice series

upper orchid
snow breach
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It is obviously about some form of love

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Oh yes same time

upper orchid
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3rd is about realizing i dont need her anymore

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and 4th is abt how i am finally happy that all is gone now

snow breach
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Lemme just say this

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Your wording is exceptional

upper orchid
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thank youu

snow breach
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Metaphors within metaphors, and one hell of a nice motif

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I love snowfall

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Very ambiguous if i might add

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Though the feeling is still conveyed

upper orchid
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thx thx

upper orchid
snow breach
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The exact meaning is enigmatic, but the emotions tied to it come across nonetheless

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All because of the choice of words

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Kudos

upper orchid
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oh yes you gotta dig deep to understand it

snow breach
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Yeah that's something i really like in poetry yk

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A language of emotions

upper orchid
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i know it keeps you there

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thinking abt it

snow breach
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It keeps every poet here

upper orchid
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thank you for your kind comments

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now i rlly gotta sleep

snow breach
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Always happy for a nice exchange of kindness

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Sleep well

upper orchid
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thank you

upper orchid
upper orchid
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@rapid trellis

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here you go

upper orchid
rapid trellis
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Thanks for sharing. Reading them now

upper orchid
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@sly siren you have prequels if you wanna read, to completly understand i suggest reading from first

lone ice
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I don't see any ping

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Alright back to trying to sleep ig

sly siren
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Flames clashed white pieces of heaven.
Doubt conflicted trust and faith–
blowing breezes fancy playing with my hope,
all was lost, all to be never grasped.

First 4 lines hit me with a sense of doubt, and loss all in a few moments, heaven and hell mixed with love and truth, such a good way to start off

Sparkling was love in my mind,
fading to be absent, to be never seen,
yet you blew in with wings like phoenix,
with wings of warmth, whilst I was frozen.

The vocabulary accents the metaphoric language here, the third line about the phoenix was a great imagery based line that brought it in even deeper with how you felt, very abstract

You forced fog above my eyes,
and haze above my mind, misbelief vanished
into thin air, only to come back more chaotic–
like a winter storm when it bursts in warm home.

the consistency in the topic is a big + for me as a reader, I like to see that, and I also enjoy the pacing in each stanza, nothing is forced and flows so well, again you demonstrate here the layered meanings,

Courage bleed in meadows, blood puddle
was as big as our lost love, lost pain.
Pain so cruel, reigned over my whole body,
my utter mind and pure heart.

the choice of words here is good, the point driving in more as you're getting nearer to the end. I have a thing I'd nitpick but I dont wanna, I really enjoy this so far

So I will say last words, as so long, goodbye–
beneath them all hatred was gushing in
spirit of mine, I'd never guess that
I was better off alone, absent from your gaze.

The closer... Ties it all to home, and hits a certain note all of us can relate to. Love lost, numb hope, feeling. I relate with this entire piece so hard. As I am going through something similar right now, and I think your theme here, the imagery and the metaphors used was put together in such a good way. I have nothing to critique, as it doesn't have anything I'd want to change, thank you for sharing this to me.