..

[green vector]

@livid garden has sent a notification! - @hexed knot @stone bluff @cedar tendon

[void bay]

Beautimus ! No notes 🙂

[keen wing]

Very nice use of rheotorical qns! Its quite a relatable piece! Thanks for sharing!!

[uncut pivot]

Much, much more prose than poem. Reading this felt like attending a lecture rather than reading a story - lots of telling rather than showing very little in the way of poetic devices in either sound or metaphor. Prose poems can be quite successful, but I did not feel or think this one was.

[livid garden]

That was the point cuz someone asked for an advice (which was evident from the first few lines isn’t it ? 🤔)

[uncut pivot]

I saw that. Still fell flat for me. Ignore my comment if you find it unhelpful.

[quartz plaza]

So real and true and couldnt have been said any better

but something that is paused—
just for both of you. I like when u put the dash line for the pause

[mossy wraith]

Yes. Just, yes

This, I feel, is an elaboration of Sapardi's love (Sapardi Djoko Damono is an Indonesian poet I really love), as if that quiet moment would soon pass by and you decided to record it into a poem in it of itself. Its wording is simple, but in simplicity i found a deep sense of profoundity previously unknown to me. Perhaps, then, we shan't be forever, but shall be stuck in this trance of romance

@livid garden

[livid garden]

That’s exactly what I intended to convey. I’m glad someone truly understands it.

[mossy wraith]

I think this poem is related. Do review it if you wanna ^^

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1307674518185050233

[barren vortex]

Wow this is really good! I love it a lot, it feels realistic yet beautiful, you can't promise forever, you don't know what time holds, love isn't perfect but it's beautiful

I love this a lot

(sorry late reply, life )

[livid garden]

It’s absolutely fine dear, i can understand.
Thanks for getting back to it. 😊

[barren vortex]

Thanks always