So pretty
#..
vapid fractal
You never answered my dm tho 😭
I haven’t read your poems dear I’ll message you once I read all 3 of them 😊
vapid fractal
I haven’t read your poems dear I’ll message you once I read all 3 of them 😊
I had a lot of pending reviews 😅
steel heartBOT
@vapid fractal has sent a notification! - @worn obsidian @chilly dagger
vapid fractal
No one wants me to review theirs anymore -,-
You can do this one
@agile hedge
@golden wolf
twilit sky
Hmm this reminds me of love and partners aging together
vapid fractal
Hmm this reminds me of love and partners aging together
🤔 interesting
twilit sky
🤔 interesting
-,- I have weird preceptions
fluid frost
Tricky creative... You are so perfect fr
restive nymph
Why am I always getting double tags 
But the poem was just awesome as always!
vagrant sorrel
Your words paint quite the interesting narrative! Nice flow! Thanks for sharing, as usual
solemn kite
what a beautiful poem Bard!!! it's incredibly delicate in every verse - it's not an obvious love, but one that blossoms slowly and unfolds in layers.
When you describe meeting her as a “strange journey” that begins to clarify confused thoughts, it's as if she's a kind of enigma that both reveals and hides parts of the lyrical self. The idea of “losing yourself in order to find yourself” through her details, such as the colors on her face, gives a sense of discovery and surrender at the same time, as if every moment with her were a universe apart.
wanton plaza
Ok nice poem but the formatting needs some work
vapid fractal
Why am I always getting double tags <:SobbinTheLanaDelReyOut:1242039111515377765...
Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise it’s repeated twice. (Cuz these days I just copy paste those instead of typing each name manually) 😅
vapid fractal
Ok nice poem but the formatting needs some work
🤔 all of it or any specific line ?
vapid fractal
what a beautiful poem Bard!!! it's incredibly delicate in every verse - it's not...
Thank you so much! I’m thrilled that you not only enjoyed reading it but also truly understood the intentions behind my piece. Amazing! 👌🏻
wanton plaza
🤔 all of it or any specific line ?
Thoughts that cannot even comprehend themselves become clear in the fragility of her words,
& every flicker of colour on her face becomes a way of losing oneself,
it makes the poem structure look out of place or off-putting
vapid fractal
it makes the poem structure look out of place or off-putting
🤔 ok, & how can i solve/fix it ?
wanton plaza
🤔 ok, & how can i solve/fix it ?
**Something like this: **
Drowned in the dew of oblivion,
her eyes carry a story—
as if time, standing at crossroads,
had hidden the scent
of forgotten moments from her heart.
When she meets me,
A strange journey stirs.
Thoughts that cannot even
Comprehend themselves
become clear in the fragility
Of her words,
& every flicker of colour
on her face becomes a way
of losing oneself, only to be found again.
vapid fractal
Fragility of her words is one line …why add pause in it 😅
wanton plaza
Fragility of her words is one line …why add pause in it 😅
It kinda adds a sense of break and a balance when u transition into the next stanza
u can make it one line tho
either is possible
wanton plaza
Yes its good now 👍
vapid fractal
Yes its good now 👍
Great, thanks 😊
nova willow
Ooo this is nice I like it
vapid fractal
SLAYYYYYYY
Thank you dear 😊
stable grove
listen to crossroads by gfriend like the opening
itll make sense why i said that :>>
vapid fractal
Oh ok, I’m on it
agile hedge
It’s like a cycle of rebirth; that’s what I think of
trim dagger
While the first stanza has some interesting imagery, after thinking on them it seems that they are almost meaningless. Talking about things that are erased, forgotten, and then hidden - triply deleted and obscured. How can we discuss concepts that have been so forgotten if the very concept of them has been scrubbed away? Thus, I found the imagery to be superlatively illogical in its attempt at drama. Then talking about recovery of things lost as the 'miracle' when rebirth or remaking would make more sense in the context of things not just lost - but erased.
trim dagger
I didn't really try very hard. That's just what my reaction was. If it's helpful, I'm glad. If not, that's OK too. But my critique stands as it is, I can't see this piece in a different light through more thought.