maybe some better formatting could be nice
#Equilibrium
frank holly
limpid summit
hii nice poem. i like how the lines keep getting longer the more we read. the subject matter is interestig, but what ur presenting to the table has been done before. in fact, this same metaphor, on the same exact topic ha sbeen written about a lot of times, in a lot better ways. so maybe u could try working on this poem and making it more unique to you.
frank holly
Poor or Rich,
life discriminates.
Disregard but who and which;
under death, equally everyone lays.
just some extra spaces removed
limpid summit
maybe some better formatting could be nice
yes there shouldve been some sort of punctuation after the 3rd line. the absence of punctuation, and hthe way it ha sbeen enjambed does make it a little werird
I wouldve preferred something like
Poor or rich:
life discriminates.
Disregard but who and which --
under death equally everyone lays.