Strange Futures

[balmy grove]

I could've sworn they disappeared
but the stars were blooming bright
Speckling the night sky, I try to be a nice guy
But I forge strange futures and keep them to myself
Manifest healing in the bloodiest of hells

Early morning worry, my vision's getting blurrier these days
And I'm tired of conspiring against nonexistent entities,
At the dawn of brand new destinies
This loneliness was left to me by unfamiliar faces
I try to trace them in the constellations
Where my hellish heaven lies
I could never reach the dream with these blind eyes
But I forge strange futures and keep them to myself
Prophesize the pain and tell no one else

My fears lay to deaf ears
After all these years, I still hyper-fixate on the little things
The phantom stings under my skin
"When will my life begin?"
I'm busy watching from oblivion
My strange future still lingers as the present slips through my fingers

[hardy jackal]

Okay so 1st Stanza

I see a metaphor and a bit of symbolism for hope and dreams having disappeared and already setting a elegiac/despondent tone, then ln reflecting on when they were blooming bright, I can see a flashback to good memories from some time, or some hopes/dreams you had when you were younger and more naive, line 3 I would split into two lines and take advantage of the end rhyme between sky and guy, this line seems like a reference to maybe putting others first even though your struggling yourself, and then in line 4 you introduce the idea of dreaming up possible futures and in a deeper sense exploring your self identity and what you want for the future and existential thoughts, and then you end the poem with the line “manifest healing in the bloodiest of hells” which is very poignant and successfully communicates the idea that you want to heal but keep getting hurt by the circumstances in this bad environment which is stopping you

Now that I’ve summarized my interpretation more feedback on this stanza….this poem is already super relatable and can be applied to my own life circumstances which is so meaningful in poetry, I love the starting metaphor/symbolism and the use of strong language

now for the nitty gritty critiques, I don’t like the use of the word blooming, maybe gleaming or radiating, up to you as the poet, and I’m not sure about the phrasing of line 4 although the idea it communicates is important in this stanza

Gonna break stanza 2 up so from “ early… faces” is pt 1

Line 1, yes like this, love the transformation reference however I would say “early morning worry, my visions’ getting more blurry” and say day by day hour by hour or something of that nature in a second line to strengthen both the idea that your vision is getting blurry and make the transformation of time more profound

Line 2 okay I don’t yet understand this line so I’m going to come back to it, this isn’t a bad thing just part of how the meaning in poetry works

Line 3 mentions hope for the future again, gonna wait to comment on this line too

Line 4 oh my gosh this is such a strong turn around, because when I literally can’t see without my glasses(blurry vision) all faces are unfamiliar. I love this soooo much, amazing play on concepts here!!!!! This also expresses loneliness which refers back to s1 l3 and makes us see that you are trying to be nice to people but they are all unfamiliar, and you feel the heavy weight of loneliness, I get it

[split fossil]

Wonderful! @hardy jackal has just pregressed to level 1!

[hardy jackal]

Stanza 2 pt 2

Line 5 - trace the constellations, trying to understand the loneliness, fit in with the people around you?

Line 6 - the relationships you form don’t really get anywhere? If so this is so unbelievably relatable, fake friends are awful

Line 7 - okay so the hope you describe in “at the dawn of brand new destinys” is hope you feel is out of your reach, and you feel like you’ve gone blind to hope and I get that, you also highlight your insecurities and lack of self confidence here. Let me ask you a rhetorical question here did anyone successful ever know what they were doing or reach their goal without obstacles or self doubt, have a little confidence in yourself, I’m sure you’re a great person, let that show, it goes a long way.

Line 8 - ooooh repetition, I’d like to know what you mean my strange futures

Line 9 - do you mean you have no one else to tell, the pain of loneliness is really unbearable and so far inescapable, or do you also mean you prophesize the difficulty and pain with the sacrifices and obstacles it might take to reach your goals which is deep