#Auction

17 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

dry torrent
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I will be sold upon my death, the contract's final, signed and binds perception of my life to who i'll be when i have died.

They will auction off my memories for which they pay the price of grief, to take home a nice piece of me, lower in, and let me sleep.

But i know before i say goodnight that some of me won't sell.

All those unknown unbought memories will be all that can tell.

Of what's beyond what was perceived of me, and they'll sing separate symphonies, but by that time they're just antiques, and im halfway to hell.

shadow sonnet
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"and they'll sing separate symphonies" is neat, i like it

dry torrent
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Thank you! :}

uncut condor
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Line by line

  1. Very rhythmically solid, quite invocative
  2. Starts off nice, for which the pay the price of grief is almost Shakespearean in vibes; but further down the meter breaks, and the message becomes a little unclear — I get the general metaphor, but it seems to me that too much of what ifs are stacked on top of each other
    People only getting final rest if their memories are "lowered in", whatever that means
    Memories being sold at an auction of a very cloudy characteristics
    And buyers for some reason willing to take home pieces of you
    Which, speaking of, the titular auction only appears here and is kind of forgotten about down the line
  3. just fine
  4. same
  5. The syllabics is very stochastic, especially in the separate symphonies, I don't know how to emphasize these two words in the context
    Overall, I am impressed by the imagery, even if some metaphors are passed by and not developed properly
    The feeling of a façade, that is being deconstructed brick by brick and yet no one can get to the bearing constructions of your being is very familiar
    But the last line blurs the message a little, by introducing a new theme of being forgotten after your death, which feels a little random
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Again, I get what you mean, even though it is a little funny that I confused the primary and secondary messages

dry torrent
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Ah, just wanted to clear it up

uncut condor
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When taking feedback, at least this is my own rule, I don't try to explain myself, because literature that needs an explanation from the author is just incomplete

dry torrent
uncut condor
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Ok, ok, gotcha

shadow sonnet
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its hard not to try and explain lol

uncut condor
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It is! Resist the temptation

shadow sonnet
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ive actually come to enjoy hearing different people's interpretations of something ive written

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its kind of neat when the art becomes larger than your initial intent for it

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and sometimes people have such respect for authorial intent that when you DO say what you meant it invites others to stop trying to experience it how they would have and instead try to only see it through your lens, which is a shame

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but the temptation to explain never goes away lol

dry torrent
shadow sonnet
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hahaha