Save Me a Petal | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:34 PM

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AYYYYY OKAYYYY OKAYYY

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its giving winner

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its giving gold

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:34 PM

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Awww tyy

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:34 PM

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its giving competition obliterator

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:35 PM

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Omg ur too sweet SobbinTheLanaDelReyOut

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:35 PM

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lemme actually read this now but first glance the beauty of the writing is alr apparent

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"Save me a petal." idk why but this line repeating is so powerful to me

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:36 PM

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Thank you, I hoped to be able to get that feeling across

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:36 PM

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holy wow

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im reading through and its wonderful!

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your flow is so very good

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its very easy to read through your poem

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:36 PM

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Thank you!!!

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:36 PM

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not in like its simple because its not

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your wordplay is fascinatingly complex

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but its almost like a dance

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:36 PM

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No I understand what you mean, thats so kind of you

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:37 PM

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the narrative is very natural and easy to just immerse yourself in

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"Weary thoughts stay with me,
Happy tears stay with you."
i really like this almost monologue sort of writing style me love parallels that are cleverly placed in poems!

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"Tangle my knees in ashes," why did u choose the word "tangle" might i ask? not a bad choice, js curious

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:38 PM

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Thank you!! I was debating taking that out since I didnt know how it would come across to others.

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:38 PM

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i quite like it!

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:38 PM

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Probably just to show that it was a pretty toxic relationship. So like tangle implying they were controlling

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But at the end of the day you still love them

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:39 PM

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i think you can restructure that line to convey that concept more thoroughly!

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:39 PM

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Hmm Ill definetly brainstorm on that

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:39 PM

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a reader might misinterpet that word choice as a misuse of the word tangle

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so thats why i bring it up

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:40 PM

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Ohh gotcha

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:40 PM

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"Save me a petal from the flower you pick—"
i think, compared to the rest of the stanza in stanza 4, this line is a bit choppy and could benefit from a restructuring as well to keep the overall flow of the piece

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:40 PM

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Truthfully the original line was tangle my knees in honeymoon gold, but I used that line in another poem so I had to quickly change it.

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:41 PM

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peak estuary "Save me a petal from the flower you pick—" i think, compared to the rest of the...

Oo okk

light summitBOT Oct 16, 2024, 10:41 PM

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sour tiger Oo okk

Wonderful! @sour tiger has just pregressed to level 2!

peak estuary Oct 16, 2024, 10:41 PM

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"To love me, or love me not.
Don’t you ask it every morning,
“Will she be loved today,
Or not at all?”
So, save me a petal."
i love love love the style of delivery in the rest of the stanza though so u should make the first line js as impactful and strong as the rest

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those are all the feedback i have to give you, i hope that helps! i love this style of poetry and it makes me happy to see you submit this to a competition!! those judges dont know whats coming

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:42 PM

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Alright, I definitely will. Thank you!

sour tiger Oct 16, 2024, 10:42 PM

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peak estuary those are all the feedback i have to give you, i hope that helps! i love this st...

Aww you're too sweet

#Save Me a Petal