#Can I have some help editing this poem?

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

light cosmos
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The Oak Tree
The oak tree old and wise watching the years roll by
On a hill peacefully hearing the winds constant sigh
Long in the growing yet quick in the felling a being fragil yet strong
Asking for nothing yet giving it's best whispering a silent song
In the way of some future development complex men will come and chop it to the ground
Then gone forever the oak's sheltered shade and its leave's harmonious sound

light cosmos
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thorn loom
light cosmos
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just want to hear people's thoughts

thorn loom
# light cosmos just want to hear people's thoughts

The topic is quite nice, talking about the life of an oak tree and the cruelity of human kind is a very modern problem.

I would suggest a few things.

Structure

Give your poem a whole new meaning and depth by adding a strucutre to it, rather than keeping it in full sentences one by another

The Oak Tree

The oak tree, old and wise,
watching the years roll by.

On a hill peacefully,
hearing the winds constant sigh.
Long in the growing--
yet quick in the felling a being fragil,
yet strong.
Asking for nothing,
yet giving it's best whispering a silent song.

In the way of some future development complex men will come and chop it to the ground
Then gone forever the oak's sheltered shade and its leave's harmonious sound

Language

Using common words associated with the topics of freemdom and nature can help to resonate with many people.

I'd like to point out the last two lines:

In the way of some future development complex men will come and chop it to the ground
Then gone forever the oak's sheltered shade and its leave's harmonious sound

future development, complex men, those phrases really break the flow of your poem. A change in words and language can be helpful to imply a disruption in the poem, tho the usage of such words at this point is not good. Try smoothening it out by using words more related to the topic.

I hope this was helpful :)