#lonely tapestries (im so terrible with titles)

71 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

formal lintel
#

O lady of the night, why do you cry?
Through my walks of these tapestries,
I have seldom seen you smile;
With your teary eyes seeming so beguiled

O tell me fair miss, with your white flowing dress,
Do you own this haunting decadence,
Or do you look for a place to rest.
O your white moonlit hand; that is only moonlight caressed.

I see you full of mystery, with your voices trying to speak.
You speak o so bewitchingly;
Bewildered by the mysteries you keep.
Share to me those secret silver words, that you've crushed underneath.

I am a moth to your passionate fiery flame,
Like a wax to your candle that's ignited.
Entranced by your heart's deepest darkest game.
And merely a string longing to be tied to your name.

O sorrowful lady; cries blown by the wind.
With your faith and fame both faltering.
Is it because no one listened when you sing?
Don't these lonely walks in the tapestry ever get tiring?

Confide in me please, though I might not be as clever.
Hear me through your deep black eyes,
For I, too, am a lonely traveler.
Lost in these ruins, just like you are; hopefully not forever.

#

@fathom frigate i wrote this for you-

dusky otter
bronze loom
#

Tapestries: O Lady Night😂

The imageries describing Lady Night are very vivid, with each stanza having their own distinct description. Your emotions are also explored fervently and the rhyme schemes are prevalent!SaberSaysPretty SaberSaysPretty

formal lintel
meager quarry
#

May peace find you, lady of sorrow, and your tears fade with the moonlight.

zealous glacier
#

the best one with a Bootifull theme
lavelly
you actually thymed it good +1

north meteorBOT
wanton flume
#

.

hot crypt
#

i like how u’ve got this mysterious lady of the night and the speaker’s longing to connect with her

#

The imagery of the "moonlit hand" and the "moth to your passionate fiery flame" creates this entrancing pull and feels like the speaker is trying to solve the puzzle of her sadness and i LOVE that

formal lintel
hot crypt
#

like the part where u say 'haunting decadence' it’s a little clunky and maybe switch it up to something simpler like 'haunting grace,' just to make it smoother ykkkkk

#

BUT OVERALL I LOVE ITTT

formal lintel
hot crypt
#

:D

formal lintel
hot crypt
#

u can use haunting grace or any other sentence

#

just anything simpler yk

formal lintel
#

Ohh okay

#

Ill think of something, not right now though. Ive thought enough for today😭

hot crypt
fathom frigate
formal lintel
#

@neon terrace

wanton flume
#

Ohh dark academia. I like it!

#

Well done

formal lintel
#

@near coyote

formal lintel
#

@idle galleon

idle galleon
#

waddup here i go

formal lintel
#

Its my most recent one

idle galleon
#

can i ask you what you meant

#

genius interview style

formal lintel
#

Hmm from the poem?? Yeaa yeaa sure

idle galleon
#

thatd be lovely

north meteorBOT
idle galleon
#

woo

formal lintel
#

Lets take it to the dms though🙏🙏

idle galleon
#

oh forsure

near coyote
# formal lintel O lady of the night, why do you cry? Through my walks of these tapestries, I hav...

Umm, a sense of melancholy & mystery !
There is a tangible sense of longing, both in the speaker’s plea to the lady of the night & in the portrayal of her sorrow. The feeling of being a moth to the flame
reflects a powerful emotional pull.
Some lines feel a bit over;
embellished, which can make the meaning harder to follow With your voices trying to speak could be more concrete.
You could be more precise like how are her voices trying to speak?
Your poem has a haunting beauty language that draws the reader into a world of sorrow & longing. With a bit more attention to rhythm, clarity, & some original imagery, it could be even more powerful. Keep leaning into the emotional depth, as that’s one of its strongest aspects!
Hope this helps 😊

neon terrace
#

I'm sorry for being late to review blursob but here I am now.

There are some good words in here, like beguiled, decadence, sorrowful... the context they are used in is also quite attractive to read. I noticed the imagery in this poem is simple and understated yet still effective for creating an enticing scene - I can clearly visualise the person addressed by the narrator, like her whole secretive being is made of moonlight and silver. I'd almost want to draw or paint her.
The repeated use of "O" makes this feel like an ode to the subject of this poem. Your diction really conveys that the narrator deeply cares for her: "You speak o so bewitchingly", "I am a moth to your passionate fiery flame", "Confide in me please, though I might not be as clever." The narrator seems to idolize and admire this person, finding beauty and mystery in everything about them.

You don't seem to stick to any specific meter or syllable count, but there is a sort of ABAA rhyme scheme (even though you lean on assonance a fair bit as well as full rhymes). Honestly though, I like that better than using only full rhymes because it feels slightly mismatched and imperfect while still working together harmoniously.

#

There are a few verses that seemed slightly off to me - here are a couple edits I'd suggest to improve flow :3
"O your white moonlit hand that only moonlight caressed."
"Entranced by your heart's deep-darkest game."
"I am a moth to your passionate flame," (saying fiery flame feels a bit unnecessary because flames are already known to be fire; that's just my take anyway)

#

The theme of tapestries was interesting - not sure how to interpret it. I'd be interested in knowing why you chose to use tapestries as a place to "walk in", and why you found the word important enough to the poem to put it in the title

#

Ik that tapestries are usually this symbol of wealth, perfection, sophistication - they're these beautiful and expensive works of art you find in palaces

#

Overall enjoyed reading this, and curious to know more 🩷

formal lintel
formal lintel
# neon terrace Ik that tapestries are usually this symbol of wealth, perfection, sophistication...

Ohh thank you, that is what i tried to convey, a place of elegance and such. Although i know i didnt make the symbolism completely obvious but thats because i didnt want everyone to actually understand every single detail, emotion and meaning i kept in the poem.. just a select feww and maybe only me lol. I dont know it might be a bad habit but i do that sometimes and let the meaning change to whatever the reader wants it to be. I guess that just means im kinda closed off though? Even when it comes to poetry

formal lintel
neon terrace
#

Don't think of it as being "closed off" - it's your style

#

and a pretty cool thing at that

#

i still like the symbolism of the tapestries even if i didn't quite gather everything

neon terrace
formal lintel
formal lintel
#

@cobalt glacier

cobalt glacier
#

I love the slight imagery you have used and it flows beautifully. You have written this in a very melancholic way which is perfect for the nature of the poem my favourite line has to be “I’m like a moth to your passionate fiery flame. Shows that you are drawn to this person.

formal lintel
#

@slender summit

slender summit
#

I have nothing to say, as my compliments are running dry, and i have sad plenty of what i think of your poetry on another one.

It seems that the types of poetry most difficult for me to analyze are poems about love or romance of some kind.

Well put together poem. An enjoyable read.

#

Also, the title is great

formal lintel
#

@fleet matrix