Spectre in Limbo

[sinful anchor]

What if I’m the spectre of something rare?
A soul that manipulates as easily as it stumble
Gaslighting everyone into seeing what isn’t there

Perhaps I’ve become a magician
Keeping you entertained long enough
Until my tricks get revealed

Because it’s always one step forward
Only to fall back at the starting point
The blurred lines morphs into shapes I can no longer recognize
Signs on illusionary paths I’ve tried to walk on
Just to go down the rabbit hole

And if it were someone else
I would scream at your face
Push you
Demand for answers

But it’s you
And I’m stuck waiting in a torturous limbo
A new circle of the Purgatory just for me
Dante and Virgil may head to paradise
But I’ll linger for a while

If I disappear like smoke
Would you even notice?
Or would you breathe me in
Keeping me close enough to feel me tremble?

Perhaps you’ll find me one day
Only to decide to let me go again

[lofty plaza]

I want to say that I really like this poem. I love the flow, I like the words you have used. I think it is a poem that lets the reader interpret it how they want even if you as the writer had a clear thought about what this poem is about. Thank you for sharing.

[sinful anchor]

Thank you so much! 🩷

[misty roost]

Nice poem!:)

[manic igloo]

See, @sinful anchor, this is essentially the same, even "blurred lines" somewhere in there, but reads so much more volumetrically..? dramatically!
What I see still, and I can't believe I say it, not vague enough. This is yet one thought, expanded into 7-8 verses with little reflection
Gaslighting is a psychological term, not a fashionable token you can through around, and it seems very out of place
New circle of purgatory is a stale expression, there are more dynamic alternatives
I can't say it's bad, it's not. But the depth could use some dredging.
Whew, this is unnecessarily negative.
Disappear like smoke // breathe me in — uhhh, expand on it, there might be something there, if you dig deep enough
But it's you is an effective line, surprising and blunt, just like I like them

[sinful anchor]

1. The gaslighting part is not made to be a “fashionable token”, its purpose there is exactly to explain how I feel about myself/ who I think I truly am and what I show to the world.
2. verses 7-8 is just a little exaggerated way to say “one step forward and two steps back”, I don’t think I have to explain forward because that’s exactly what it is
3. The Purgatory part is very important for me. I’ve been studying The Divine Comedy since I was 7 and it might be related to the situation, I’m writing… it might be stale, but it’s a tribute to one of the greatest piece of literature in my culture.
4. again i don’t think I have to go forward explaining the concept of “disappear like smoke // breathe me in”. It’s a choice the person I’m writing about has to take: let go or not.

[halcyon loom]

Wonderful! @sinful anchor has just pregressed to level 1!

[manic igloo]

I am sorry if I sound confrontational or at times patronizing. It's a flaw of my character, I'm fighting with it.

1. Sure. Rubbed me the wrong way, but if you insist that it should be there, I am not the one to judge.
2. 7 to 8 verses long, not 7th and 8th verse. They are just fine themselves.
3. I am not trying to diminish your investment into great literature, but so many people use this exact wording, that it begins to sound unimaginative. You can read the original, I envy you big time. You have all the tools to be more subtle.
4. Don't explain, expand. What color of smoke? How it tastes? Do you burn to turn into it? These are questions that would make it more interesting. As it stands, this is almost a throwaway line with good potential

I'm not attacking you, or your passion, I'm trying to point out (what I think) are shortcomings of your writing. This is marked as comments wanted, I thought to give my to cents. Sorry again if I wasn't gentile enough

[sinful anchor]

I’m just responding to what you’re saying. Thank you for your thoughts.

1. Again gaslighting is intended as it’s real meaning “manipulating someone into questioning their own perception of reality.” Obviously I’m not a gaslighter, but it’s just what it feels like for me in some situations
2. my bad, I understood that part in the wrong way
   3)I don’t think it should be subtle. The situation I’m writing feels like that and again, besides being a tribute, it’s related to the person I’m writing since it’s something we share and it’s a subtle way to confirm to them that this is about them specifically
3. I really don’t think it’s necessary. The concept it’s not about the smoke itself, it’s about disappearing without leaving traces and wondering if the other person would care