@tired silo
@marble folio
@warm horizon
@delicate ravine
#It's Slippery Everywhere
foggy flame
marble folio
The imagery in this poem is very vivid, um im getting sense of disillusionment perhaps
foggy flame
Thank you for your comment Vindi.
pastel treeBOT
tender forge
I like this poem! It's very descriptive and well written. The imagery is very effective too! The third stanza stands out the most to me, I really like that part of the poem:)
foggy flame
Thank you for your commentary armoagene.
tender forge
You're welcome:)
warm horizon
Your poem starts grounded in the physical, almost humorously then suddenly transitions into something much more introspective. I think this shift could be smoother. Right now it feels like it’s moving between two different worlds, Finding a way to bridge these different tones; messy, domestic realism & cosmic detachment—
might make the poem feel more cohesive.
Lines like
Nebulas and how as I gaze it
Peels free its image from that awful white door backing
could use tightening. The idea is interesting, but the phrasing could be clearer, especially in how nebulas & the door backing relate.
Twice vanished an ocean runs down from and to
is hard to grasp,
star’s Ignition without sound
is a striking idea, but lacks context or impact.
My humble suggestion would be to work on Structuring because that might enhance your poem’s emotional journey.
Hope this helps 😊
foggy flame
Your poem starts grounded in the physical, almost humorously then suddenly trans...
Thank you for your thoughts Ethereal B.