#Insights about my poem

2 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

lapis elm
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Helloo, Im new at writing poems and trying to improve. I have a poem here abt being alone and then was seen.

A small tiny flower surrounded by trees
Belittled in the forests cold breeze
Outshined by other plants it remains concealed
A speck in the flowery field
With petals coming to awry
Its withering comes to time
Yet it remains to be seen
By a bee whose life is gleen
Wings buzzing in the green

The flower felt seen
It begins to blossom
With petals outshining the sun
Its beauty is the only one
The wind rustling in its small leaves
The flower blooms with vibrant hue
A splash of colour both bright and bold

tall crypt
# lapis elm Helloo, Im new at writing poems and trying to improve. I have a poem here abt be...

Really good on its own. It doesn't need improving but if you would like advice I have two (and a half) suggestions for you.

  1. Not every line has to rhyme, and rhymes don't have to be at the end... Try to allow an organic flow
    1½. Belittled doesn't fit in the second line, it's a better fit in place of surrounded
  2. Imagery can always be used more... Don't be afraid to over exaggerate it. Try something like... Cast into the cold, underneath the shade of the towering trees.
    Light stolen from its touch by the larger greenery, the flower remains concealed