First villanelle

[tardy glen]

@lapis mantle

I did this as a test the theme is an angry mob boss

[lapis mantle]

it’s not really following the traditional villanelle structure, and though there are rhyming passages, they aren’t exactly structured

[tardy glen]

I just thought I was suppose to end the rhymes with aba

And the last one with abaa

[lapis mantle]

Did you check out #1269350440949121036

[tardy glen]

Oh a simple ABA like one rhyme per line

I goofed up

[lapis mantle]

Haha it’s alr

[tardy glen]

I can’t make something sound good with less than 4-5 compound rhymes per line so I don’t think I can do a villanelle

[lapis mantle]

Then that’s your preferred style?

[tardy glen]

I guess

[sudden cove]

Wonderful! @tardy glen has just pregressed to level 2!

[lapis mantle]

You totally can write your own way
This was just a suggestion because you asked for a rhyme scheme

[tardy glen]

I just thought u meant ABA each line lol

[lapis mantle]

Happens

idk if I’m necessarily correct, but if i say “ABAB CDCD” for example

i mean 1 letter/rhyme per line

at the end

[tardy glen]

Are the internal rhymes less important in poetry?

Cause if so I can stop having 4-5 of them per line

Ok I will do another one right now

[lapis mantle]

ohhh internal rhymes, i see what you mean

it’s not really more or less important

all depends on your style i suppose

[tardy glen]

Rhyming whole sentences
Fly with it I’m smithing
Trying dope penmanship

Scribing notes that I writ
I’m whipping try flinching
Scribing bro pen it drips
Ive been gold, effortless

That’s better

[lapis mantle]

so you lean towards more informal, slang-y vocab

[tardy glen]

Yes to allow for more rhyming

[lapis mantle]

Just to make sure we are both understanding each other —
I feel like I’m just setting you up to go in circles and not really answering your questions.
Is there something specific you’d hoped to get out of some feedback which I’m not helping with?

[tardy glen]

No you are helping… I used to think ABA meant three rhymes in one sentences, I’ve learned a new format and you are telling me what you don’t like

But you can stop if you want

[lapis mantle]

No, I don’t mind
I was just afraid i’d gone way off-topic lol

[lapis mantle]

The most common rhymes are the ones at the end of verses

Internal rhymes are like extra “decorations”

there’s a term for repeated vowel sounds in a verse or a stanza, which i very conveniently don’t remember

[tardy glen]

Lol

[lapis mantle]

ASSONANCE

thats it

[tardy glen]

Well I’ve got wayyy too much of that and not enough actual deep verses

[quick tide]

*Well I’ve got wayyy too

much of that and not enough

actual deep verses*

- travistryshard

[lapis mantle]

Deep as in the meaning of the content?

[tardy glen]

Yeah and when I try to add double meanings they come across as stupid

Like once I said
“My pee hole got a butt hole in it… that means I got crack in my pipe”

[lapis mantle]

💀

okay

well, those aren’t really poetic words

[tardy glen]

I realized that too late

Or like
“Osmosis wizard of Oz, mosses” was a word flip I did once 😂

[lapis mantle]

huh, lowkey cool

[lapis mantle]

i have this writing exercise i like to refer to when i feel like this

basically you just make a phrase with an abstract noun and a concrete noun

[tardy glen]

What’s an abstract noun and what’s a concrete noun

[lapis mantle]

Heres an example phrase then:
“The congruence of Luna moths”

congruence is an abstract noun bc congruence is an idea, a concept

luna moths are the concrete noun because they are a thing that can be touched, interacted with

[tardy glen]

So like saying
“I’ve written a written
I’m itching to itch it”

Itch means say in Ontario slang btw

[lapis mantle]

Well

not exactly

the point of the exercise is just to make short phrases as practice for metaphors and adding depth and double meanings

”the [abstract noun] of the/a [concrete noun]”

[tardy glen]

“I, dollar tree like idolatry”

Maybe?

[lapis mantle]

Sure

Rhymes arent necessary here btw

[tardy glen]

Okay

[lapis mantle]

It’s just like brainstorming cool random crap

(my approach to poetry involves a lot of random crap and stream-of-consciousness lmao)

[tardy glen]

The way I practice (which won’t be that helpful to you since you seem comparable) is too try and make a joke out of a normal sentence

[sudden cove]

Wonderful! @tardy glen has just pregressed to level 3!

[tardy glen]

Like
“Got the Ki like Goku
You get beat like Osu”

Cause beat as in beat up or a song and cause ki as in energy or a brick of cocaine

[lapis mantle]

We have very constrasting approaches

I might not be the best person for you actually

Your stuff is almost reminding me of rap or hip hop

[tardy glen]

Okay, is that bad?

[lapis mantle]

Not at all, it’s just super different from my stuff

so i’m not equipped for this style, so to speak

[tardy glen]

Okay all good

[lapis mantle]

like #1277376216541958156
is the way i write

there’s no real “bad” just different styles

[tardy glen]

I don’t understand some of the words… my vocabulary is very small

I’m googling some stuff while reading

[lapis mantle]

all good

[tardy glen]

I liked it! Good job after I googled the words I see you used them very nicely

Man created God in his image
Tribes been at it since the start of time
Fam be hated frauds that are gifted

Is that a good aba structure?

[lapis mantle]

You just have to change “gifted” to a word that rhymes with image

[tardy glen]

Oh are slant rhymes bad?

[lapis mantle]

No it’s not that

i just thought youd be asking for full rhymes

[tardy glen]

So when people ask for a scheme they usually want full rhymes?

[lapis mantle]

In most conventional structures, yeah

ofc, poetry is still free
you can twist and adapt anything to fit what you want to convey

but traditionally, schemes lay out what full rhymes to use and in what order to place them

[tardy glen]

Okay