#September Showers

72 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

neat brook
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September showers cleanse my locked facade:
A cleaner lock to suit a lack of keys!
Its newer coat of gloss doth aim to please
But black-winged gods strike anvils, ringing hard.
They wield their keys like swords, begin all barred:
Defensive, passive, calling peace decrees...
Yet blink! The keyhole flashes! To thy knees!
There's 'epitaph to door' before 'en garde'.

O' take me to the grave where liars hide!
Observe at equilibrium with ground;
I'll squirm like screws betwixt a shattered hinge.
Invite thyself; a duel with fate to bide
Screams horrors — secrets — clips those wings... The sound
Of which reverberates: a flame! Clouds singe.

rn_image_picker_lib_temp_04c8bdcc-0fa5-4fa6-9a01-22acacdb7f3f.jpg
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@summer holly

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@rigid carbon

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@lost aurora

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@old bronze

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@river moon

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@barren mortar

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@idle glade

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@half canopy

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@random crater

rigid carbon
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Imagine writing well both content wise and aesthetic wise

neat brook
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@rapid lichen

neat brook
rigid carbon
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Look at that flowy fancy cursive

neat brook
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rahh emoji fail

summer holly
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i wish my handwriting could look even close to that

neat brook
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guys my handwriting is a mess what do you MEAN

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@chrome swan

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@livid pumice

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@golden shoal

summer holly
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freyja your handwriting is very beautiful

neat brook
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@velvet cipher

neat brook
summer holly
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take the compliment
not a lot of peoples handwriting is that good
a good handwriting helps a lot of poems stand out and feel more real(???) sure
me with words rn wth xD

rigid carbon
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I have that medical field hand writing

neat brook
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i get told that my handwriting often looks like the word "paracetamol"

rigid carbon
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I vibe with that

summer holly
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my handwriting was described as "you can tell you have dyslexia by looking at that. i dont even need to read it to know" by one of my very old teachers

rigid carbon
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It's not Tylenol, it's ✨Paracetamol✨

summer holly
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paracetamol sounds so much more fancy

river moon
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FREYJA POEM

neat brook
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YES ME POEM

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@worldly wing

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@barren mortar

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@amber ferry

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@barren mortar

barren mortar
# neat brook <@456226577798135808>

So, the product displayed by the writing becomes far-fetched within this rhizomatic immensity with ambiguity, proceeding to create a mystery that doesn't conclude even after it.

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This is a benefit for me, since it outlines the unpredictability of September, or the horrors that will come in the future, but can be diminished with awareness and the pleasure of living.

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The cadence is also very good. His handwriting is terrific, too. I think it provides an even greater immersion for those who aim for originality, cruciality and awareness.

chrome swan
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This is awesome Freya!

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Also your handwriting is awesome

neat brook
neat brook
chrome swan
neat brook
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@vast swallow

vast swallow
amber ferry
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@neat brook

Your words are like a tempest, stirring something deep within. This poem speaks to the battles we wage within ourselves, the facades we build to hide our vulnerabilities, and the relentless force that tries to break through those defenses. The imagery of keys, locks, and black-winged gods paints such a vivid picture of this internal struggle.....🎀😩

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Your words are like a tempest, stirring something deep within. This poem speaks to the battles we wage within ourselves, the facades we build to hide our vulnerabilities, and the relentless force that tries to break through those defenses. The imagery of keys, locks, and black-winged gods paints such a vivid picture of this internal struggle.

vast swallow
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Feedback! (Sorry for the delay)

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Structure-wise, I have nothing constructive to say - the rhyme scheme is perfect and your use of iambic pentameter is consistent and not at all forced. While reading, I imagined the "da-DUM-da-DUM" rhythm as the narrator's heart beating during the whole poem - this gave it a pervasive feeling of anxiety, urgency, and passion (two moods both contrasting and perfectly symbiotic!).
Italian sonnets definitely seem like your poetic comfort zone and you just keep dishing out great new ones. I'm always wowed by how you balance traditional structure with your own personal twists.

Your use of the semantic field of doors - lock(ed), keys, keyhole, hinge, etc. - is a big part of the poem's character and I'm convinced that doors and/or locks are an extended metaphor, though I'm not sure I interpreted it correctly. Anyway, here's my analysis with all the details I understood/tried to understand (hopefully you'll get the way I broke it down!)

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  • ** "September showers cleanse my locked facade:/A cleaner lock to suit a lack of keys!/Its newer coat of gloss doth aim to please"**
    September represents both an ending and a new beginning - it's both the end of summer and the start of the busy part of the year. This fresh start cleanses the "_ locked facade_" (narrator’s state before this poem takes place). However, this door (representing the narrator) has no set of keys (a kindred spirit to truly unlock them, not just polish them on the surface). The fresh start granted by September is not completely satisfactory — just a “newer coat of gloss”.
  • "But black-winged gods strike anvils, ringing hard./They wield their keys like swords, begin all barred:/Defensive, passive, calling peace decrees..."
    Though these black-winged gods are a very ambiguous presence, I think they are representations of other people, specifically couples. “Keys” are significant others, wielded in everyday life, but these swords are for protection rather than violence.
  • Yet blink! The keyhole flashes! To thy knees!/There's 'epitaph to door' before 'en garde'."
    Falling to one's knees is usually a sign of weakness and surrender; next, you say an "epitaph to door before en garde". This line shows the narrator surrendering to a flash in their keyhole, perhaps a person they trusted enough to let in.
  • The entire sestet then builds off the last line of the octave and describes the narrator suffering from letting the wrong person in. It’s hard to tell exactly what was inflicted on them, but it is clearly not a happy ending.
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So in my understanding, a longing for a love that truly reaches you; however this can leave you vulnerable.

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I tried to break it down as best as I could, and I'd love to know what parts of the interpretation I got right or wrong! And sorry for this MASSIVE text wall. I was just genuinely really motivated to analyse this poem because I thought it was very clever and interesting.
I love your creativity as always, my friend heartpotat

neat brook
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@vast swallow TYSM I LOVED READING THIS

neat brook
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you can interpret whatever however you want so i won't say what you got slightly differently to me because we're both different readers, it's just that one of us happens to be the writer too, yk :3

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i guess if you're curious, it's mostly in the first couple of lines really

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but it's not actually drastically different because it arrives at the same conclusion so i love the analysis all the same :3

vast swallow
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i’m glad you liked it‼️

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and i genuinely had so much fun analyzing and dissecting this thing like a scientist

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i like my interpretation, but the ambiguity really is the best part

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it could be about at least 3 different things, and it’s always gonna be a great piece no matter how it’s perceived

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are you happy with this poem? BECAUSE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE. 🫶

neat brook
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im incredibly annoyed with how i executed line 4. feels clunky and weird and forced when I'm rereading it.

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but apart from that, can't complain:3

vast swallow
neat brook
vast swallow
neat brook
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possibly haha