My Head isn't in the Clouds

[jagged field]

My head's out back on the stone
tiles, rotting in the rain. My body's
upstairs resting under sheets
and my jaw has come loose;
I've no tongue left for speech and these
fleshless gums won't hold any teeth.

There's no brain to think with, all
that goopy gray was the first to go.
There are no eyes, no eyesight
no visions no hind nor foresight.

There's just my skull in a bucket
and my spiraling horns set on
a dull, discarded, pewter pedestal.

There's me and the rats and squirrels,
the sparrows that flock to rice
and the random bunny that nibbles
and hides under the bikes
and the blood sucker larvae pulsing
in this stagnant water.

These trees will shed, the snow
will fall, the buds will sprout and still,
come spring, I'll be here rotting in the rain.

---

I've posted a breakdown of the context behind this poem on my Substack if anyone's interested. Don't know if I'm allowed to share links so DM me if you want the link.

You told me to tag you @proven stone

[craggy hornet]

Amazing 👏 truly brilliant I liked the poem's structure very much

[rancid silo]

*Amazing 👏 truly

brilliant I liked the poem's

structure very much*

- The Imperfect JosephTuxedo.

[jagged field]

thanks! appreciate u readin

which was your fav stanza/line?

[craggy hornet]

The 2nd stanza, and the last one

I liked these two most !

[sweet robin]

This is really good! ( though I suggest posting it in post-sensitive ykwim )

Fav line/ line :

||and the random bunny that nibbles
and hides under the bikes
and the blood sucker larvae pulsing
in this stagnant water.||

[jagged field]

ah my bad, is there a different place or a tag for dark poems?

[rancid silo]

*ah my bad, is there

a different place or a

tag for dark poems?*

- walyullah

[sweet robin]

#1056779405491453992 just here :D

[jagged field]

i just realized the first line in the last stanza could be read two ways

these trees will shed/the snow will fall or these trees will shed the snow / but then the "will fall" doesnt make any sense

[white summit]

Brilliant

The sentimentality of physicality's violence

[jagged field]

am i dumb, how do i find it from the side bar menu?

[white summit]

Brutal, structured, beautiful

[jagged field]

thanks!

[sweet robin]

It's there.

[jagged field]

got it thanks

[jagged field]

also about delusions, head being in clouds is being in a dream or delusional, so im saying im not delusional, quite grounded, buuut i dont have a brain or eyes anymore

yknow, doomscrolling-induced-brainrot

[wary furnace]

It's a good piece, but the 'eyesight' bit after 'there are no eyes' is redundant. If you were trying to stick to the rhyming scheme, eyes - foresight has a good tempo.

[jagged field]

yeah icouldnt quite figure that part out, how might you redo that part if you take eyesight out?

[wary furnace]

I would just remove that bit. The punctuation is good enough for readers to catch the rhythm.

[white summit]

Isn't the eyesight description crucial for the context?

[craggy hornet]

Oh wow I didn't notice that

[wary furnace]

Well, if one has no eyes, they're obviously not going to have eyesight.
Its great for the rhyming scheme, but doesn't add to the poem. That is my take though.

[white summit]

These trees will shed the snow that falls

[white summit]

Yeah ig

But I can't think of any valid replacements for that part though

[wary furnace]

The way I read it, I don't think it changes the poem
"There are no eyes,
No vision, no hind nor foresight"

[white summit]

It alters and somewhat ruins the rhythmic structure though

Back to the poem itself

One of the reasons why the piece is enjoyable is because

It's counter-romantic

The discourse of this server's poetry is romantic, anti-sensory, with its 'head up in the clouds' of nostalgia

The poem denies the speaker's connection to this discourse, making it counter-romantic. The theme and message of the poem are outstanding

We need more such poetry

[jagged field]

That's what I figured too, i couldnt keep the rhythm without eyesight even if its redundant

[jagged field]

Woah thats a very cool analysis, i want thinking of romance or anything at all haha

[jagged field]

@small lance cuz why not, here's a poem i posted earljer

[rancid silo]

*@.crizalis

cuz why not, here's a poem

i posted earljer*

- walyullah

[jagged field]

Shut up haiku bot, ur not gonna get published in Acorn

[small lance]

ooo

DAMN THOSE FIRST 2 SENTENCE I HAVENY TEAD RESY BUT DAMN

HOLY SHITTTT

bro thats actually insane

its so good

im saving it

[jagged field]

Hahaha thanks bud, appreciate the hype

U might enjoy the backstory behind the poem

On my blog

[small lance]

what is it

where can i find ur blog

[jagged field]

Online

Lol sorry

[small lance]

grr

[jagged field]

Should i link it here?

[small lance]

yes please

[jagged field]

K hold up

https://open.substack.com/pub/walyullah/p/my-head-isnt-in-the-clouds?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=s2vzr

U can even listen to me read it

[jagged field]

Lmk what u think after u read it

[small lance]

okk

[jagged field]

Sweet, see u around criz

Crizz, haha.

But dont do that no more, listen to ur mom haha

[small lance]

, I’m speaking to a feeling of brain-rot brought on by soulless consumption of content, usually the short-form kind LMAOAOAOAOA YESS

[jagged field]

Hahaha, relatable, isn't it?

[small lance]

painfully

[jagged field]

Tis the curse of modernity

[small lance]

im not on tiktok or yt shorts tho so eh

i only comsume warhammer trench crusades

[jagged field]

Hey but im still graduating with a 3.94 so not all is lost

I might still become a doctor, who knows

[small lance]

hat does 3.94 mean

[jagged field]

(Yes im showing off my gpa to everyone i just found out what it is lol)

[small lance]

i hav different school system

[small lance]

is it good lol idk what it means

[jagged field]

What system u in?

[small lance]

i am dutch

i hav grades 1/10

[jagged field]

Pretty damn good for an undergraduate bsc degree

[small lance]

good jobbbb

what are u studying

[jagged field]

Its roughly a 92% average over 4 years of university

[small lance]

oooo

lol nerd

[jagged field]

I studied kinesiology, so sport science

[small lance]

ahhh niceee

[jagged field]

Thats a badge of honor kid

[small lance]

my cousin does that i think

[jagged field]

U dont get to write poetry and blogs like this without being a nerd

I was also a sprinter on the university's track team

[small lance]

loll

[small lance]

omg no u are him

[jagged field]

Although i dropped out after a month of training lmaoo

[small lance]

wyhyy

too mucu academic stuff

?

[jagged field]

We were literally training 20 hours a week

[small lance]

ok damn

[jagged field]

Thats a friggin part time job

Get this

Tusdays were a THOUSAND abd crunches from like the second week of training

[small lance]

thinkong abt people like u always pisses me off when i do unproductibve things

[jagged field]

Plus other stuff

[small lance]

bro

thats inhumane

[jagged field]

It was fun still

Im only sad that i never staued long enough to compete even in one race

[small lance]

ah

[jagged field]

But i did what i had to for my csreer

[small lance]

well u still hav ethe personal sense of accomplishemnt

[jagged field]

Otherwise i wouldve studied part time and enjoyed being a track sthlete

[small lance]

thats fun too

[jagged field]

My only brat cosuin from my mom's side said i'll be benched the whole year and wont ever compete so im just salty i couldnt prove him wrong lmao

[small lance]

lmaooo

[jagged field]

I mean he's maturing now

[small lance]

moodd

[small lance]

as one does

[jagged field]

I lowkey ghosted the team and coach, and they never even asked about me lolol so i guess i hadnt really become part of the team yet

[small lance]

they were just butthurt

they pretend like they dont care

BUT THEY DOI

[jagged field]

Hahaha, yeak, coach just salty he lost talent

[small lance]

dw king ur a chad

[small lance]

exactly

[jagged field]

Damn i wanna use skibidi now

How do i use it here

[small lance]

u should its so sigma

[small lance]

thats for u to decide

become like a smurf

but with skibidi

[jagged field]

This dog might be too old for new tricms

Well not really

[small lance]

lmaoo

im stealing that line

[jagged field]

Just that this is outside kf my proximal zone of learning

[small lance]

ill not use it any time soon byt yk

[jagged field]

I can do it with assistance but not alone

[small lance]

never self deefeat rahhh

u can do ANUTHING

even learn skibidi tactics

[jagged field]

Growth mindset till the grave

[small lance]

stealin that also

[jagged field]

Lol

Enjoy

[small lance]

lmao

[jagged field]

Aight skibidi out, gotta go study

[small lance]

enjoyy

im gon go back to reading ur pai nfilly relatable shi

[jagged field]

LOLL

Feel free to follow along for more

[small lance]

ro tip: don’t hold your phone above your face, cuz gravity will catch you lacking and a smart phone is heavy enough to hurt.

LMAOAOAOA

Hope I didn’t bore ya, and if I did, well, boredom is good for you. It inspires creativity. You’ll be like, “I could write better than this. Actually, you know what, let me start a Substack. Bun this pretentious poet.” And voila, you go from consuming to creating!

omgggggggg

i am fan

[jagged field]

Hahaha, thanks, glad you liked it. (This is what happens when you eat all your veggies and nerd hard (but u gotta have inherited at least one copy of genius genes))

[small lance]

inspiring 🤩

i have no genius genes sadly

[jagged field]

Dont worry, we have something called gene editing tech

[small lance]

ill be sure to eat my veggies

[small lance]

lmao

im too broke 😔

[jagged field]

Its okay, u can just read my blog and my genius will percolate through the screen and into your psyche

[small lance]

how nice

[jagged field]

Win win, i get a reader n u get smarter

[small lance]

🤝

[jagged field]

Or, well, at least more humorful with wittier and more refined rizz

[small lance]

thats what i offer

[jagged field]

Seriosuly, dont pee your pants to impress a girl again

[small lance]

ill try

it worked though

i skibidi rizzed her

[jagged field]

Yea okay i dont know what to say

Imma go back to reddit

[small lance]

silenced with logic and results

[small lance]

NEVER DOOMSCROLL

NEVER GOOM

enjoy

o//

[stoic heart]

I-

yesnt XD

[stoic heart]

also, phenomenal poem with pleasant prose, was a pleasure to read please post more posthaste for more praise, the pace was positively passing grade :D

[wispy trail]

This was incredible…

Actually made me visualize a scene so vile

[jagged field]

hahahaha, while I'm more than eager for more popping, dopaminergic praise, such prose doesn't always make its way onto my fingertips too fervently. It is a once in a retrograde happening. Buut, who knows, if you do as red cat there did and pledge your never-unsubscribing fealty to my publication, you may feast your eyes sooner than the next aligning of the stars.

[jagged field]

lolll, i'll take that haha, first time hearing that from a reader

[wispy trail]

Love my interpretation from it too but I was just fully immersed in the visuals of it

[jagged field]

@stoic heart the publication in question (gotta slip in the marketting when u can, am i right?)

[jagged field]

i wanna know what you saw in ur mind lol

[wispy trail]

Just a full on decaying body on white bedsheets flying because of the wind and then an open windows into like a courtyard where’s there’s just a head decaying with a bunch of animals

Completely vile haha

[jagged field]

i mean if we assume it doesnt stink and there's no swarm of flies or maggots, its kinda cool actually

[wispy trail]

But I mean it went perfectly with my interpretation for the poem so it worked

[jagged field]

ooh now i wanna know how u interpretted it loll

[violet axle]

Wonderful! @jagged field has just pregressed to level 10!

[jagged field]

oh hey, i got a strawberry

darn, i dont wanna lvl up now

[wispy trail]

I thought it was someone who had lost their soul. Their mind was gone. Their will to keep going was lost, they were just sitting there, watching as bunnies nibbled”

[wispy trail]

Strawberry’s lowkey fire

[jagged field]

question, did u take it as bunnies nibbling on the rice or on the head?

[wispy trail]

Oh totally on the head

[jagged field]

cuz if its the latter then thats some freaky shet lol

haha loll

nice, what a pleasant surprise

[wispy trail]

Like I said, it just got worse as it went

Which goes perfectly with my interpretation of someone slowly losing it

[jagged field]

bunnies that can give vultures a run for their money

[wispy trail]

In the brain of someone who has lost it I can imagine even a cute creature like a bunny can become horrifying

[jagged field]

love it, low key pretty accurate if u think of it as a metaphor. i was speaking to that sense of losing yourself and your faculties but due to toxic levels of social media use and doom scrolling

[wispy trail]

That makes a lot more sense than mine haha

But it still enjoyed picturing bunnies nibbling on a head

That might’ve given me an idea to use something innocent in a gruesome way for a future poem

[jagged field]

i was also kinda talking about a literal skull in my backyard 🤡 (i promise im not an up and coming dahmer type)

[wispy trail]

Interesting

[jagged field]

oooh nice, also this bunny now seems like the bunny from that animated movie

dogs or osmething

has a crazy bunny gang leader in it

[wispy trail]

Hahahaha yeeeeee

[jagged field]

secret life of pets

thats the one

[wispy trail]

Anyways gotta leave you to it gotta go do smth

But I did post one myself if you want to give it a read later

[violet axle]

Wonderful! @wispy trail has just pregressed to level 1!

[rancid silo]

*But I did post one

myself if you want to give

it a read later*

- chris123409

[wispy trail]

Once again amazing stuff

[jagged field]

haha thanks, catch ya later

[wispy trail]

Cya

[jagged field]

can u drop the link?

[wispy trail]

Hold on

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1280298079953621123

There you go

Anyways, bye

[small lance]

@jagged field can i use this piece for my english presentation

i need to show my infidel classmates the power of poetry

ill give u credit and ill reference ur substack pwease 🥺🥺

[jagged field]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yes, please do 😂😂

[jagged field]

Imagine that, my poetry making it into an english class presentation in...wait, what country are you from?

Netherlands?

[small lance]

yes

[jagged field]

Cool, i dont think i know anyone from there

You're the first

[jagged field]

Lmk how it goes haha, if they dont get moved by this then nothing will 😌😒

[small lance]

AND WHAT A FIRST TIME!!!

[small lance]

i have the presentation in like 2 months but i will

i make all my school work in the first 2 months lol

[jagged field]

Sweet damn, a red cat's putting a uni grad to shame. Good on u man, i respect the work ethic

[small lance]

my education is probably much easier than urs

BUT ty i love having me ego stroked

[jagged field]

i mean if comparing high school to university, sure, but i'm comparing relatively between us. you would expect someone finishing uni to be more disciplined than someone in high school.

[jagged field]

don't we all haha

[small lance]

i still have the flame of youthful passion

“this dog is too old to learn any new tricks”

[jagged field]

I proved myself wrong remember? I skibidi'd out

[small lance]

ur so right

maybe i am amazing after all

its not really a noble drive tho

i make my schoolwork so quick so i dont have to go to the classes

[rancid silo]

*i make my schoolwork

so quick so i dont have to

go to the classes*

- .crizalis

[small lance]

i am sort of stuck on a college education that i hate

[jagged field]

Wdym?

[small lance]

well up until recently i have put 0 effort into academics so i am on a lower level education than what i need to get the job i want. so i have to do 2 more years of this before i get the qualifications to even start working on my desired degree (history major)

which is so sad 😔

but its ok since i do a whole lot of stuff on the side and they allow me skip some classes

[winter geyser]

Wow!!!! I love that! So much! I feel like it exemplifies depression to the point of nihilism. But then everyone interprets poetry differently! Bravo!

[violet axle]

Wonderful! @winter geyser has just pregressed to level 1!

[jagged field]

ahhh okay, well, hey, at least you're working hard now! It might take longer to get where you want to go but that's alright, as long as you learn to make the process meaningful.