the one who hides the truth

[dry elbow]

wrote this prolly a year ago

[narrow needle]

Nice one! Post some recent ones too. I would love to compare the differences.

[dry elbow]

#1276314506972106864 is the most recent one I wrote

[wooden vapor]

I love the first three verses — there’s some nice imagery there with the “dark green grip” and painted sky.
I think the rhyme scheme works well for the most part, though “the thoughts of willful men/earn the place of zen” feels a little forced.
It’s overall really nice and if it was written a year ago, I’m sure you made a lot of progress by now 🩷
Would love to read THE CALL as well if that’s alright!

[fathom monolith]

brilliant use of metaphors and imagery. I loved this line "tell that to the sky to the one above who hears and sees the thoughts of willful men"
the rhyme is also very satisfying to read, also has a nice flow, keep sharing your writing🥺!

[dry elbow]

im so glad for the constructing criticism with the zen part, I also think its a bit forced❣️ but overall its not so bad, please read the call too if u have time

[dry elbow]

tysmmm❣️❣️

[wooden vapor]

i will do that now 💖

[dry elbow]

the song in itself kinda has religious connotation

but in its core its about lying men

[fathom monolith]

yess that was my interpretation, that you can lie to people but you can't lie to God because God is the all knowing also lying it sinful

[dry elbow]

exactlyy, thats why I also like to use Jesus as like a shoulder to cry on, bcs hes like the one who will never judge and always be there for u