#Comforting myself

7 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sweet rover
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I went outside to hit myself.
I realised I don’t think about
Myself that much.
The sun did it for me,
Stabbed me warm and orange.
I stared at it until it was all
Eventually blue. Everything.
My vision being desaturated,
I loved it for once.
I had to love it, for if I didn’t
Then how could I try
To not be upset.

My garden door made me float.
Passing through grey
And watching myself.
I see as I walk across stairs
Or nothing. I don’t know.
Aware of my bed,
I know. But,
I do not care.

I went inside to see black.
I loved it.
To see my eyelids fall down
And block my sight.
Slowly, blurry,
Drunk. Seeing fumes
Smoke up at night
And blaze the air, waging
War with nothing. My body.
My arms inextricable
Across my bones.
I faded out,
With the moon.

tired saffron
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I love this demonstration of self-comfort. I personally get the impression that you were very heartbroken yet you were still trying to go on with your life. And from the intensity of the heartache, little typically insignificant things became an immense comfort to you, as you were so emotionally frail to an extent of leeching onto any comfort reachable. But some parts are quite ambiguous to me, such as

" I stared at it all until it was eventually blue, everything. my vision being desaturated, I loved it for once, for if I didn't
Then how could I try
To not be upset."

I think some aspects could be more specified but maybe this is your own style of writing and I cannot assert my opinion on you. Overall I loved reading this and the metaphors were brilliantly portrayed.

sweet rover
# tired saffron I love this demonstration of self-comfort. I personally get the impression that ...

Thank you very much for sharing this. What you've said is exactly what I was attempting to portray. It's a poem about depression and trying to find comfort in things you find even unsettling in order to just feel some sort of happiness, almost like denying your own pain. Your words resonate so deeply. That part of the poem you quoted represents me staring at the sun. Despite my bad state in the poem, I force myself to go out into the sun and try and enjoy the "stab of warm and orange", when my eyes are in direct contact with the sun for a while, i tend to have my vision abit desaturated for a while, which would overall contribute to a depressed state however i force myself to find enjoyment out of it, my intention isnt to seek happiness but rather to "not be upset"

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if that makes sense

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thank you very much once again

tired saffron
# sweet rover Thank you very much for sharing this. What you've said is exactly what I was att...

the meaning is so heartbreakingly deep:(. I understand that there is also some stereotypes which downplay depression, some people don't understand how serious and detrimental it is, so they'd say things like "just have fun" "just be happy" " your so young, live your life", but they really just can't fully understand the intensity of depression. I feel that it could be interpreted this way too. like you're trying to fight it because your supposed to be 'young and happy', but it's your own mind which is really tired and you can't really fight it. Also im so sorry you had to go through this, but let's be positive and say that a negative situation made you a brilliant poet!

sweet rover