writing III

[kind thorn]

Writing III

The ideas and motivation,

Turn into persistent habit;

Creating an interpretation

By scraping out the facets.

Two lungs, two eyes,

A heart and some teeth,

Boasting with words, supposedly wise;

Pondering about the underneath.

Acquainting the exhaust,

For a break, no good cause,

A life of one with relentless ambition.

A chamber with a door

Was it there before?

To sacrifice your self-recognition.

-D.F.

@wise stirrup @cold terrace @cold terrace @humble raptor @misty frost

@river phoenix @dry mica @pallid surge @atomic wadi

made another part because i felt like it

@atomic wadi I tried to include some of your suggestions, it kind of says it indirectly, rather than directly in the tercets (:

also i am living off of a coffee right now and its 1 am so don't mind any weird and unfitting expressions

[cold terrace]

I liked it. However, it didn't sound as impactful as the poetry you've been presenting, which may be a very simple and brief interpretation of mine. I could check if I'm not wrong, ditto.

Well, it could be that the writing process has already been covered in the other structures, as I was expecting something new. That's not a reason to say I thought it was awful, because I enjoyed it.

It sounded quite subtle, simple, like an artistic process - in fact, this one, thanks to the second stanza, sounded more like a painting being drawn than a piece of writing. It's quite unique.

[pine garnet]

Wonderful! @cold terrace has just pregressed to level 4!

[atomic wadi]

Another big hit! The last stanza is a chef's kiss; I absolutely love it. Thank you for acknowledging my suggestions it really means a lot for me. It's so nice how you can find different perspectives of what it is to write its so impressive. Well done

[kind thorn]

No, you are completely right. However, I wrote this under pressure and late at night, and as I said ''living off of a coffee'' hahah. I was quite tired and wanted to get it over with, I will work on this later today again. Thank you for the honest feedback!

[kind thorn]

thank you!! You've definitely inspired me !!<3

[atomic wadi]

Keep it up!

[kind thorn]

Writing III

Vitalizing ideas and inspiration,

Turns into persistent habit;

Constructing an interpretation

By scraping out buried facets.

Composed of two lungs, two eyes,

A cool heart and sharp teeth,

Boasting with words, supposedly wise;

Pondering about the underneath.

Acquainting the exhaust,

For a break, no good cause,

A life of one with incessant ambition.

To write means to plague,

To produce and to make,

To forfeit your self-recognition.

-D.F.

@cold terrace an edited version. what do you think?

[cold terrace]

This one sounds more connected, lighter and shows your patience in conducting it. I think my opinion is similar to yours: it's lighter, more fluid and better than the first one you showed.

It consolidates a new denotation, a slender musicality, the changes made, however subtle, make all the difference when it comes to being able to externalize what is being expressed.

The first two stanzas are an example of this, granting a more heavenly tone, endowed with resonance for those who seek to write. You managed to change what you needed to with excellence.

[pallid surge]

Wow, your poem is really thought-provoking. It seems to be about the complexities of life, the pressure to succeed, and the search for deeper meaning.

[kind thorn]

Thank you! I think so as well. I guess the other one was a bit messy and unclear in its message. I agree completely, it's about the subtle changes that create a deeper meaning. Thank you!!