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55 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

grizzled jolt
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@rough snow

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@patent herald

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@gilded vector

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@mortal plover

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@chrome crystal

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@upper glade

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@lavish horizon

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@pale cloud

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@viscid sparrow

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@umbral storm

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@solar sage

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@patent scroll

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@main dirge

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@barren summit

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@viral lantern

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@shut aspen

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@harsh nest

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@late tinsel

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@scenic nacelle

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@lone estuary

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@near elk

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@untold trellis

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@naive pelican

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@lethal bough

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@rough ivy

lone estuary
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Can i cry?....

grizzled jolt
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@novel atlas

near elk
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The story is already written
in the empty space between them,
in the way his fingers brush her hair,
& in the way she tilts the book,
just so he can pretend he is not looking at her,
instead of the words.

What a beautiful poem, the essence of tranquility and connection between two people in a magical moment, where words are not necessary, each moment there speaks for itself, the way this moment between the two is described is touching, so real, that you can clearly imagine everything happening detail by detail. Where the true connection is not in what is said or read, but in the gestures and silence they share.SaberSaysPretty

patent herald
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In the amber haze of late afternoon, Ok this is a nice opening line

novel atlas
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this piece is lovely and gentle, capturing the quiet intimacy between two people. i like how you used the book as a symbol, not just as something they're holding, but as a way to show how close they are without needing to speak. the small details, like the swing's creak and the way he brushes her hair, make the moment feel real and tender. the ending wraps it up beautifully, reminding us that love doesn't need to be complicated; sometimes, its just about being present in a perfect, simple moment.

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i enjoyed reading it :)

grizzled jolt
grizzled jolt
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@cunning fern (I hope you don’t mind my tag 😅)

cunning fern
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@grizzled jolt I was reading this just as you tagged me hehe

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This is amazing, the way you paint a mental picture so perfect, that it fully encapsulates the scene you're creating is just mwah 🤌

grizzled jolt
grizzled jolt
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@hallow finch

lethal bough
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because why chase an ending, when perfection lies in the pause?
blursob love this one

grizzled jolt
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@rigid haven

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@languid apex

rigid haven
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I love love 😩

lavish horizon
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Ooo this is a great poem I love this!! Its so sweet

grizzled jolt
hallow finch
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this is so beautiful! love is in the details, the little things that happen, the little things that we do for each other. ❤️

grizzled jolt
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@rough snow

rough snow
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About the title first: I'D LOVE A NEVER ENDING BOOK ABOUT MY FICTIONAL CRUSH but the authors don't write them 😔

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Holy Einstein I LOVE THIS. Okay I'll write something long because this is awesome and I have visual spacial intellect so I imagined the whole scene. The words are so on point. The subtlety of their actions like him brushing her hair and the swing creaking just amplifies the overall image. I just love this piece 😭✅💕.

ALSO:
Love is a simple thing when you let it be PREACH! PREEAAAAACH!

grizzled jolt
grizzled jolt
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@pulsar hazel (i hope you don’t mind my tag 😅)

pulsar hazel
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I don't at all.

pulsar hazel
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Man, I feel like this poem is almost successful. I think it is missing devices to produce more sound in the poem, consonance, assonance, rhymes, etc. A few rhetorical/lyrical devices used sparingly would really enhance it imo.

I like that the rhythm and typography enhance the lackadaisical and romantic feeling - we're in no rush to finish this poem. Just like they're not in a rush to put the book down and uncover something else.

While there are references to both the man and the book in this poem - it is clear to me the woman is the focal point. There's nothing wrong with that per say, but it did make me feel like the scene existed more for her than anything else. And since this poem is titled for a we that left me wanting there to be greater balance somehow.

I wasn't left with any strong feelings, moving imagery, or like the poem made me see or realize something new. It is calm, flows well, and has no distracting contradictions in it.

grizzled jolt
# pulsar hazel Man, I feel like this poem is almost successful. I think it is missing devices t...

Thank you for your feedback.
I see where you are coming from, but i was aiming for a subtler effect rather than a more pronounced emotional impact (except the last stanza)
My intention was to maintain a calm & reflective mood, letting the rhythm carry essence of the scene. Now coming to the title selection well…to be honest i was gonna name it A Book They’ll Never Finish
But then I thought that may make it read like a completely frictional scene, & I wanted the reader to image himself/ herself with their significant other …(i hope you got my point right ?)
Once again thank so much for this feedback..(from now on imma tag you in my every poem) 😅

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@dense stratus

pulsar hazel