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52 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

spark helm
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@noble burrow

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@cold vector

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@kind mortar

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@sweet bolt

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@worn shale

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@placid mirage

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@scarlet crow

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@sand pivot

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@jolly charm

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@obsidian field

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@white burrow

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@obsidian basin

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@zealous bluff

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@marsh gulch

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@silk bobcat

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@pulsar stump

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@sweet bolt

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@serene atlas

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@woeful ibex

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@modern adder

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@lean star

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@lone field

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@pallid sleet

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@foggy fog

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@atomic whale

noble burrow
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_Maybe it is a reminder
that waiting itself
is the poetry we live.

Still,
I hope it rains._ Dang dude.

spark helm
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@peak relic

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@scarlet goblet

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@lavish bone

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@sweet bolt (I hope you don’t mind my tag 😅)

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@quaint oyster

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@pallid flare

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@novel cosmos

quaint oyster
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"Is it the rain I’m truly waiting for, or something more?"
expectations and quiet moments... pandaoooo

full treeBOT
strange jetty
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3rd stanza is a masterpiece... I love how you were able to compare the clouds to waiting for someone who never comes.

The last line is the perfect ending for this piece, great job!

Overall, you did a great job expressing your emotions; I felt the message you were trying to convey!

spark helm
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@steep cypress

steep cypress
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The fact that i love clouds makes this poem much more mesmerizing ❤️ great work, nice understanding

spark helm
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@knotty seal

spark helm
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@velvet berry

velvet berry
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Maybe it is a reminder
that waiting itself
is the poetry we live. wow sooo real

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every poet can relate to this

pallid flare
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I love this one a lot! Amazing poem

spark helm
knotty seal
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Right away, this seems very personal, like you went/are going through something. Here is what I could understand from reading your poem:
This poem seemingly explores the complex emotions of anticipation and the disappointment of unfulfilled hopes or dreams, using clouds as a metaphor. The clouds, "hanging heavy with promises" and "swollen with dreams they cannot deliver," symbolize the speaker's expectations and/or hopes. The act of waiting is one of the main things discussed in the poem, as the speaker waits for the clods to rain (fullfil the speakers dreams). I think that those dreams might be tied to writing, maybe yearning to write down a spectacular piece or something like that.
This poem also reflects on the struggle to write, personified through a pen that refuses to write down the speaker's thoughts, highlighting the frustration when the pen fails to do so. This might also resemble the fact that the speaker struggles to come up with clear thoughts about what to write about, too (writers block). Despite this, the poem suggests that the act of waiting might itself can help the speaker to come up with more clear or maybe even better ideas.
Yet, beneath this acceptance of waiting, there lingers a persistent hope for the "rain" to come. Overall, the main theme here, I think, is writers block, and I think you captured it quite well. The word play was pleasant, as well as the flow and plot.

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I hope you found my feedback helpful (Ill read your second poem too in a min)

white burrow
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Beautifully penned <<3

sweet bolt
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so good man, ❤️ 🔥

spark helm
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@unreal onyx

unreal onyx
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Your poetry seems to center on irresolution. It likes to teeter on the edge of things. So far, my take has been that your work tends to focus on that aspect as much as, if not more than, the subject of the actual poem. Which, in my opinion, puts the cart before the horse - it is a good or even great thing to have a theme in one's body of work, but again in my opinion, it is better for that theme to appear naturally and at ease as one discovers it as if by accident. And in surprise and delight realize what was veiled in the words. This theme of irresolvability is a powerful rhetorical device and is something that follows us all throughout life. As Paradox is the height of comedy - so too does Paradox greatly enhance poetry. However, I have not found the usage of the theme paradoxical - rather it has come across to me as more on the tragic side - not that tragedy is at all bad or poor - it is in fact one of the greater and more necessary genres (though in my opinion, paradox is greater than tragedy). Of course, this is just my interpretation but I hope a genre/thematic analysis of your work in general is helpful to you.

As far as this poem, it is the one of yours I have liked best upon first reading. There are some cliched phrases but not overly so, and one cannot avoid them entirely. Some usage of rhyme and polysyndeton to introduce a feeling of returning or ruminating on similar thoughts. I'm unsure if the breaking of the fourth wall in the 6th stanza is successful, I think it perhaps weakens the piece a little and does not quite fit for me. I liked the concluding stanza the best out of all the stanzas here - but that is only possible because it is supported by the first 4 stanzas. Overall, I'd say I enjoyed the poem.

spark helm
serene atlas
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THE ENDINF I AM CRYING OMG