feedback would be highly appreciated
#A Letter For My Love
inland palm
bleak karma
wooden oar
First of all, I like how you capitalize “Her” and “Love” to express how important those subject’s are. I do think the first two lines’ rhythm compared to the rest of the poem isn’t as smooth (but of course, that’s my personal opinion). A suggestion, though, might be to change the second line to “Just Her beauty alone made my knees go weak”? It’s one syllable longer, but I think it flows better. Otherwise, great poem!
Favorite lines:
“Her eyes are as deep as the roaring sea.
Falling in at first glance was impossible to foresee.”
Edit: I realized you don’t exactly capitalize “her” the entire time, but I do think that would be a nice detail to add.
inland palm
First of all, I like how you capitalize “Her” and “Love” to express how importan...
i found the poem in my files from over a year ago, it only had the first 2 1/2 lines lol
wooden oar
Oooh!
inland palm
but thank you very much for the feedback
i love your idea for the change in the second line
wooden oar
No problem! Considering that the second lines is the only thing I’d really change, this was really well written.