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41 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

slim blaze
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@formal trail

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@gentle flame

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@potent stream

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@pine latch

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@wind umbra

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@gentle trail

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@fleet crag

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@tawny ravine

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@dapper topaz

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@proven geode

tawny ravine
slim blaze
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@shut widget

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@spark beacon

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@compact orchid

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@heady trellis

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@long solstice

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@stuck fjord

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@gentle cobalt

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@merry pecan

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@ionic widget

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@cloud plaza

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@proven crag

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@undone knoll

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@jade magnet

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@rain fiber

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@mystic ivy

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@tawny ravine

undone knoll
# slim blaze <@193577595877457920>

You have a real grace with words. A couple lines really speak to me in this one.

One thing I think you are so good at is writing beautifully with relatively simple words. You shape them in a very human way.

‘In my sighs, you burn’
This is a super elegant way to describe a pain I’ve felt almost exactly. Obviously we’ve all felt heartbreak, but the physical sensation of sighing out the accumulative heat of grief is one I really connect with.

I really like the punctuation of
Oh look—
perfect—
Dammit—

You’ve likely been told this many times, but you are gifted poet. Keep tagging me in your stuff.

fleet crag
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Ow bard... this its soooo beauty

tawny ravine
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I'd prefer something with more tricks up its sleeve but the over all balance pulls this off insanely well.. I'd like to see less monostitches perhaps I feel, but I generally REALLY enjoyed this - I think you could get away with a more obscure title and have the message swing through all the same. It's really clear and yet... the art and the ending line REALLY wrap it up in a fantastic fashion. I really enjoyed this!

Keep writing and thanks for sharing! I recommend trying to think about what audience you'd like to write for, or why you want to write in general. Any advice I can give should be tailored to your demographics, not in general after all. That wouldn't make any sense. There is no such thing as "bad" poetry generally (with rare exceptions, like I don't know... otherist poetry?!) it just depends what you like, how you perform it, and why you're performing it!

I think you'll have a broad audience, but I think you could hang with contemporary ideas if you set your mind to it. You can mix accessibility and crytpicality after all! Cheers ❤️

dapper topaz
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GRACEFUL✨‼️

formal trail
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Damn. I'm late but this is so beautifully written. 💕

gentle cobalt
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love the thoughtful title.

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The poem is beautiful in itself, Im not the best at critiquing stuff but I can say I enjoyed it!

compact orchid
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Perfect—
Just like our promises,
faded, cracked & gone. 🫰

slim blaze
slim blaze
slim blaze
limpid vessel
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"Damit you are still there,
In the smoke
Laughing."

Accurate description for what it feels like to get over a lover.

  1. The fire burning hurts you in the minute

  2. the smoke, like you described it, is like echos of your past

  3. the ashes are reminders of her

slim blaze