vision

[coarse crow]

@jade whale @young rivet @young rivet

@solid panther @torn pilot @valid bronze

@neon pendant @true current @outer idol

[coarse crow]

.

@hollow wren

[hollow wren]

This is a nice poem! Not too long, but just long enough to support the theme. I liked it! Great job! 🙂

[coarse crow]

thank u so so much ❤️

@leaden plover

[leaden plover]

Ooohh

This was a nice read

In the third line

Of the first stanza

Perhaps "anything" would fit better than "everything"?

Just a suggestion

That aside

[coarse crow]

ohh you're so right!! fixing that asap. thank u so much (:

[leaden plover]

The ending was great

Like skugi said

Not too long but just long enough

[coarse crow]

its a sonnett (: Thank u lots

@spiral marsh

@limpid grove

[leaden plover]

Ohh i see

Also the concept of thoughts wired through a string

Nice one!

You have potential!!

Keep writing and tag me in your future poems

[limpid grove]

Oooo

[spiral marsh]

I’m really able to relate to it. It’s really good!

[coarse crow]

Wow, thank you so much! That's awesome to hear ❤️ I will!!

[coarse crow]

Thank u lots!!

[leaden plover]

Kevsss we got another great poet at hand

[limpid grove]

It’s easy to live with eyes closed

Unable to question anything

These, off the bat, are very interesting lines.
You have intrigued me, I SHALL READ ON

[coarse crow]

aww omg this makes me so happy you don't knowww

[leaden plover]

I do know!! I've been in your place!!

[coarse crow]

def not doubting that ❤️ Thank you lots for your feedback, makes me really motivated to keep writing (:

[meager brook]

Wonderful! @coarse crow has just pregressed to level 8!

[limpid grove]

I CAN SEE THAT :0
Omg I love this type of writing - the lines are separated yet still form stanzas in a way! It's certainly pleasing to the eye and easy to read ❤️

And I loved the overall flow and rhythm of the poem, it was very nice :D

[leaden plover]

Yuss I agree!! The separated lines were satisfying!

Though you should be careful with this structure

It may not work in all poems

Use it wisely!

[limpid grove]

It is unique, and should be used as uniquely as it is :>

[leaden plover]

That's true

Good job on this!

[coarse crow]

honestly i write about 80% of my poems as a sonnett 🥲 I can tag you two in some others if you want, to see if the others match with the structure or not? (:

[leaden plover]

I didn't mean it that way

[limpid grove]

My inner diplomacy dissolving into doubt

The alliteration in this line is gonna be stuck in my head for a while honestly, it's so smart and just something about it is so pleasing

[leaden plover]

Nevermind idk how to explain it 😭😭

Anyways that aside

[coarse crow]

hahahha

[leaden plover]

Sure id love to read your other works

I may not be able to read them right away

But I'll get to them surely

[coarse crow]

I'll tag u in some, don't feel pushed to give feedback to all of them (:

[leaden plover]

Yepppp i agreee^^

[young rivet]

I like how what prevails here is a feeling of uncertainty/imprevisilibity, linked to a fairly well-established ontological premise that grasps the duality of his being, making it easier for us to read and identify with it.

Looking at the second stanza, this was one of the few times where the predominance of the last verse didn't spoil the song or the musical rhythm of the thing, but only enhanced it, adding something new.

The third stanza was the most impactful, in my opinion, not least because it is furnished with an opulent presentation: we are all prone to coming into disagreement with our own tyranny, I guess.

[meager brook]

Wonderful! @young rivet has just pregressed to level 3!

[coarse crow]

Thank you so much🙏 your feedback is always a blessing

[jade whale]

As much as I love your poems, here is a gentle reminder to use punctuations love. They amply the effect of your poetry <33. Keep going!!

[coarse crow]

Thank you!! Can u maybe give me an example?

[jade whale]

Sure.

Its easy to live with eyes closed,
Unable to question anything
My beliefs in all direction opposed;
All is wired with a string.

[coarse crow]

Ohh!! Okay. Do I end each stanza with a dot tho?

[jade whale]

Try to do so. Its a full stop

[coarse crow]

Even w the tercets?

[jade whale]

Stanzas in poetry usually ends in a full stop or a punctuation that marks the end of a sentence or a context. ; or . or anything similar works too.

[limpid grove]

Most of my old poems had no punctuation.
But the stanzas would usually end with a full stop.

Like:

The great rivers of my eyes
Flow greatly towards your way
In hope to see beyond your disguise
And feel love again.